When the Abuser Dies: Grief, Anger, and Release + Meditation
⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses parental abuse, emotional trauma, and the death of an abusive parent. Please take care while listening.
How do you mourn a parent who was never safe? How do you grieve someone who caused you harm?
Six years ago, when my father passed away, I faced a loss layered with trauma. My father was a clinically diagnosed sociopath, an abusive alcoholic, and a man who weaponized religion. He left wounds instead of warm memories, yet when I was called to make his end-of-life decisions, I had to meet him where he was—not by abandoning my boundaries, but by finding a language that could bridge our broken connection.
Psychologists call this ambiguous grief—grieving not the person themselves, but the relationship that never truly existed. It’s a complicated, isolating experience rarely acknowledged in our cultural conversations about loss. Neuroscience shows that our brains stay tethered to the hope of repair, which explains why so many adult children of abusive parents keep seeking resolution—even when they know it won’t come.
In this episode, I share what liberation looked like for me. It wasn’t forgiveness. It wasn’t understanding. It was the quiet power of releasing the lifelong fantasy that one day he would apologize, one day he would change. His death closed the door on that waiting, and with it, I discovered a new kind of sovereignty: compassion with boundaries.
This conversation is for anyone navigating complicated grief: whether you’re mourning an abuser, an addict, a narcissist, or simply someone who couldn’t love you the way you needed. Your grief is valid. Your healing belongs to you. And peace doesn’t depend on anyone else’s transformation.
✨ Inside this episode:
- What “ambiguous grief” really means—and why it’s rarely talked about
- How unresolved childhood trauma rewires the nervous system and complicates grief
- Why compassion with boundaries is a radical act of self-liberation
- A guided meditation to support your own healing journey
Have you experienced this kind of grief? Share your story or reach out—I’d love to hear from you. You are not alone in this journey toward emotional freedom.