SOLO SHOW

Context – we all have the power and the skills to be the parent we want to be 

A recent post from the Live and Love with Joyful Courage community:

Can we talk about sharing our big feelings with our kids?

My kids are 2.5 and 4.5yo, and I don't know how to share my big feelings in front of them without freaking them out. I want to be able to be my full and authentic self with them, in an age appropriate way. And I realize, the fact that they are upset when I am upset means that they are afraid of my big feelings and may be afraid of their own big feelings. We try to welcome their big feelings (tantrums, disappointment, etc.) but I think we do a miserable job at it.

Compounding this, I am someone with explosive emotions. I tend to feel things very deeply and it takes me time to calm down. I have worked hard to make sure I don't express those emotions in a negative or scary way. But instead I most often bottle them up, which isn't good either.

Celebrating awareness. Celebrating emotional intelligence. Celebrating authenticity. Celebrating personal responsibility.

Misconceptions (in general):

• not ok for our children to see us upset
• not ok for our children to FEEL upset
• they’re being naughty
• they’re manipulating
• they’re learning “bad behavior”
• welcoming big feelings is the same as condoning hurtful behavior

This is a POWERFUL example of what I think is the PURPOSE of parenting:

• to grow into our best selves

Children are mirrors

• not mimics
• instead, provide a reflection of how we effect the world, what our impact is, what we are inviting

Children/parenting journey is an invitation

• recognizing conditioning
• recognizing what our “driver” is
• recognize commitment vs attachment
• Committed to being a connected parent vs attachment to what that looks like (slippery, perfectionism, comparison) 

Children/parenting journey is unrelenting

• The lessons come every day, moment to moment
• The growth is like peeling an onion
• There is no where to ARRIVE

Child/parenting journey is an opportunity to grow

• I can’t say this enough
• Where are your hard edges?
• Where is there room for self growth?
• Where can flexibility show up inside of rigidity
• “I am someone with explosive emotions.”
• We are ALWAYS evolving
• What can we learn about ourselves?
• What can we practice that will be more helpful and less hurtful?
• How can we deliver our experiences and be heard?
• How can we create a PRACTICE that honors us and our experience while also models the life skills we want our children to one day embody?
• Practices are UNIQUE and INDIVIDUAL
• The myth of “balance”
• Assumptions about our “roles”

Taking care of ourselves and our own self-regulation, in the end, will do more to teach our children and influence their behavior than any tool you can find in a book or the internet.

You’ve got this!

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