Continuing our Transformational Conversations series. Today we’re going to be talking about how to address unacceptable behavior. Many years ago I was in a newish relationship near the holidays and I casually mentioned that I would love to visit Thailand. His response, "If you go, don’t bother coming back." I immediately recognized that there was a story behind the story. The crime of a travel lover saying ”Ooh Thailand” does not match the outsized punishment of a threat. I spoke up. "Hey, it’s ok for you to say 'I want to spend the holidays with you' or ‘I’m curious if you are making plans to go away' but you can never threaten me. It’s completely unacceptable.” He expressed that he’d always hated the holidays, they had been dreadful growing up and he was finally looking forward to having someone to spend it with.” I shared "That is a much better way to share how you feel. Thank you.  I’m a curious person and will always be saying things like I would love to visit blank.  That’s not the same thing as making plans. And I will continue to express what I like.” He never used threatening language again. 

 

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