059 Breaking Up with the Martyr Complex with Monica Packer
Monica Packer and I chat about why self care and being a fulfilled, whole person is so important as a mom. Monica talks about 3 levels of self care:
1. Basic: (fundamental habits,showering, movement, eating, sleeping). Needs to be the most consistent to have a good foundation.
2. Indulgent: (pedicures, facials, lunch with friends). Pampering, good to do every now and then. Takes more money.
3. Deep Self care (therapy, coaching, spiritual practice, meditation, journaling, yoga). Takes more energy.
If we don't care for ourselves, we can fall into resentment and the martyr complex. We can rely on others to take care of our needs and when they don't we become resentful. Self care is a do it yourself affair.
When we come to our family as a whole, fulfilled person everyone is happier. We model for our children what a fulfilled mother and adult look like. We model what it looks like to take care of ourselves and in turn give our children permission to take care of themselves.
Monica shares about a time in her life where she felt unfulfilled and resentful. During this time was when she started to make her "Do Something List", a list of activities she wanted to do. This is not a results oriented list, this is not New Years resolutions. This is a list of activities to try. Some examples are learning to bake bread, singing in a choir, going to a movie by yourself. There is not failure, this is simply to try new things, to explore your passions and identity and take some risks. Monica shares that is changed her life and helped her find happiness in motherhood and find herself again.