Continuing our Transformational Conversations series. How to handle Defensive Behavior. Do you have a loved one that will hurt your feelings or cross a boundary? And as soon as you start expressing yourself, their walls go up. They accuse you of always criticizing them. And they start to attack you with reasons why you’re actually in the wrong. In other words, they get defensive. People who are defensive have difficulty taking responsibility for their actions and resist feeling “wrong” because they view it from a negative lens that they have failed. It’s a knee jerk reaction that shields the person from guilt and self-doubt. Kids often develop this behavior as a way to cope with difficult situations and then it becomes a bad habit as an adult.

 

If it has merit, go ahead and apologize for whatever reason they give in their counter-attack. Lead with humility. “I’m sorry, that was not my intention. I take responsibility for making you feel that way.” Follow up with, “Even though I sympathize with how you feel, you are responsible for how you respond. You seem to only bring these things up when I want to have a conversation. I expect you to initiate your own conversations when you are hurt. It doesn’t feel very good to have you take over when I want to talk."

 

Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to universe@thelinlife.com

 

Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!