“I know you're being light-hearted, but baguettes are way stronger than a sausage roll”

‘Are you not entertained!’ scream the panel of peril at their slack-jawed neighbours, wearing just a comical pair of white y-fronts. They are entertained; very much so. With that, they pick up their bottle of milk and head inside to watch this week’s film Gladiator (Ridley Scott, 2000).

General Maximus (Russell Crowe) has it all – sweet fur cape, legion of dudes fighting at his side, and a family waiting for his safe return from war. He too has the favour of Roman Caesar Marcus Aurelias (Richard Harris) which may prove to be his undoing, as Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix) has a serious case of the green-eyed monster for his father’s position. Will the cowardly and jealous Commodus accede to Caesar’s will and allow Maximus to lead Rome, or does he have something altogether more diabolical planned? ((Yes) to the second bit))

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BLZbrLogTo

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Commodus decides the simplest course of action is to simply kill his own father, assume the role of Caesar, have Maximus and his entire family killed – Bob’s your Uncle, Fanny’s your Aunt. There’s just one problem: Maximus does not take kindly to his attempted murder, and kills his would-be killers instead! A series of unfortunate events sees the Spaniard enslaved, eventually arriving back in Rome as a gladiator of some renown. Are Commodus’ days numbered, or can he finish off his nemesis for good? ((Yes) to the first bit))

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Commodus’ campaign of murderous intent? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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