Solo show – sharing from personal experience

Recap what is happening with my teenager

• If you listened last year, you heard the struggle
• Online school
• Clients I’ve worked with
• Friends confiding in their experience

What the stats say

• My experience of finding information
• What my gut tells me
• The ways the world has changed

Why it’s so hard

• Weight of fear/possible outcomes
• Lack of control
• Our own stories

PD is belonging and significance

• Power of perception
• What do we do when something feels “wrong” without giving message that they need to be fixed
• The challenge of meeting them where they’re at
• My experience with this….
• Not knowing what this means
• The dance of acting/fixing vs validating/being

The iceberg

• Tip of the iceberg
• They won’t talk, can’t identify what’s “wrong”, tears, withdrawal, aggression/defiance/anger, shut us out
• Grades/friends/activities
• Bad after school special
• Under the surface
• Hopelessness/fear/not know what or how they are feeling
• Feelings of disconnection
• Out of control
• Anxiety/depression

The range….

• Not all or nothing
• Grey areas
• Our own beliefs about mental health
• My experience, looking back I was afraid to call it what it was because it made it true
• My upbringing of not using things (family drama) as a “crutch” messaging

Enmeshment/codependency

• I am going to get really vulnerable and highlight something that I see showing up because of the dynamics that are currently alive in my family
• My experience with needing approval – give me the gold star, tell me how great I am
• Wanting it from my family, especially my dad and step mom
• Now noticing that I am searching for it from my daughter
• NO BUENO

Getting spiritual

• Carolyn Myss
• My experience of energy work in the context of my relationship with Rowan
• Life happens for us, so…. This is an experience that is happening for me? For Rowie? 

Acknowledging my controlling tendencies and the message it sends

Letting go/backing off

Having a plan (with school) about what I will and won’t do with a request

Treatment

• Counseling, naturopath, energy work – this is what WE are doing
• You do you. Make choices for your kids.
• Listen to your kids. Listen deeply. Hear without fixing
• Ask permission
• Give them space and trust they will come to you
• Don’t be afraid to go big if things feel really off
• Ask hard questions
• GET SUPPORT
• TALK TO EACH OTHER
• Quit dismissing teens by saying “everyone feels that way” because even if it’s true this is not what they need to hear – they NEED to feel seen and heard
• Check your expectations at the door, accept that this is a part of your parenting story
• Take care of yourself
• Check your codependency
• GET HELP – if your gut tells you that what is happening with your child is extreme, seek help.

I say this to you and to myself. We will get to the other side of this, my friends. And only we get to decide if we get to GO through this time of our lives, or if we GROW through it.

Thank you to all of you parents of teens, those of you who are personal friends who have been brave enough to be in conversation with me, clients, listeners – you are not alone.

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