Are butch-femme roles in queer relationships just recycling the same old hetero his 'n' hers gender boxes? What happens when toxic masculinity invades queer relationships and spaces? In an Unladylike FIRST, we're re-asking and re-answering a listener advice request–and with empathetic expertise from Autostraddle editor in-chief Carmen Phillips and membership editorial and ops wrangler and writer Nico Hall. Carmen and Nico break down butch misogyny, femme objectification and why lesbian relationships aren't immune to patriarchy. Highlights include: midcentury Buffalo lesbians, helpful dykes, queer signaling and Catholic school unladies.

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Carmen and Nico's recommended reading:

• Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold
• Kate Bornstein (author of Gender Outlaw)
• With Gratitude and Struggle: Loving Butch/Femme as a Trans Woman
• Butch Memoirs to Check Out
• On navigating femme invisibility
• The Allure of Chola Femininity

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