Ep. 307. National Park Monster Ranger: Week 2 But Yes, It Will Be a Wonderful
Chris spreads some love in the biggest possible way! Matt fixes climate change! A secret empire is revealed and it is very chill! Call us by your hangout name, let’s range monsters!
Also, Chris challenges Matt to a round of Synonyms!, the guys Roll Up Dudes (tables below!), blowholes are counted, and here comes a King Kaiju!
Let’s Roll a Dude
- Ranger Vibe!
- 1. Steely-eyes and gritted teeth; you’ve seen it all
- 2. Wide-eyed wonder; everything is so new and exciting!
- 3. The monsters are precious and must be protected at all costs
- 4. I am the only line between these vicious monsters and my fellow humans
- 5. I love to party and monsters make parties better
- 6. When no one’s lookin imma eat a monster
- Preferred Rangering outfit!
- 1. Vest, explorer hat, pockets everywhere
- 2. No shirt, no shoes, no problems
- 3. Straight up that bear armor that one guy made
- 4. Mmm fleece
- 5. National Park dress uniform – buttoned up and all business
- 6. Don’t matter how hot it is. Leather tip to toe
- Tragic backstory that led you to become a Monster Ranger!
- 1. Had a pet monster but it was taken away when you were a kid because it was getting huge and looked so hungry. You hope to find it again someday.
- 2. Bigfoot stole your bike and shoved you down a hill
- 3. Swallowed by a sea serpent and stuck slowly moving through it for three days. Resucers made the monster swallow capri suns and lunchables in the packaging so you had something to eat. Eventually a diarrhetic was administered and everyone almost died from throwing up.
- 4. Best friend was a werewolf but they told everyone who your 7th grade crush was even though you were like do NOT tell anyone
- 5. Parents absolutely ripped to pieces by a chupacabra
- 6. You were a monster but got cured
- Gear you wouldn’t be caught dead rangering without!
- 1. Swiss army sword
- 2. Binoculars with nightvision
- 3. Ridiculously expensive and finicky camera
- 4. A length of rope
- 5. Lunchables
- 6. Sleep mask and earplugs for dangernaps
- Preferred Rangering companion!
- 1. Someone you could have a little crush on, just for fun
- 2. Borgfoot (cyborg bigfoot)
- 3. Straight up wizard but like the kind that casts spells that make a cloud of crows or candles that sing or the trees get up and dance around. Not like fireballs or whatever.
- 4. Talking segway
- 5. Hundreds of spiders all over you that only you can understand
- 6. Sentient sleeping bag (can not talk)
- The only monster you are afraid of is!
- 1. The Greedy Creeper
- 2. Warplings
- 3. The Empty Statue
- 4. Thorncrackle
- 5. The False Man
- 6. Coffinfoot
Check Out the New Book and More!
Merch Time: Keep Your Business the Way You Like It!
Check Out Songs from the Musical and More on SoundCloud
Look at More Dumb Stuff on Our YouTube
Catch up on Meanwhile in the Cave of Time, if You So Desire
Illustration by Matt
Activity