How to effectively approach someone if you feel slighted? Be sure to state your feelings without blame and what I call character assassination. And if you want to really tug at their heart strings, start with an affirmation. For example, “Hey, I love you, I want to confess I was really hurt by that because I felt like your response was cold.” Instead of “you are a cold person.” Or “Hey, I know you care about me but I felt unsupported when you didn’t show up on time” instead of “you are an unsupportive person.” Statements of "you are" instead of "I felt" are interpreted as name calling. Try the "I notice, I think, I feel" method when addressing conflict. “I noticed you arrived 10 min late, I think that being on time shows respect, I felt disrespected.” Compare that to “you clearly don’t respect me” which is an absolute. Nothing in life is absolute. 

 

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