The funniest voicemail ever played, boob reveal GIFs that take too long, Winner's Drink and the apostrophe that came back from the dead, Patreon, credit cards, and the war on free will, an erotic Xmas poem from a real man, the Army and Israel, when to use steroids, Dr. Matt gives Facebook users medical advice, someone takes me up on my d*ck pic weight loss challenge, a $400 bidet, and my altercation at the bank; all that and more on The Dick Show!