In this episode, Annie Hanekom chats with Rachel about how we need to step out of the drama triangle to have a better and healthier relationship with our colleagues.

Episode Highlights

[04:28] Enneagram Type 2 or The Rescuer

• In its simplest form, an Enneagram is a profiling tool.

[06:09] The Rescuer in Its Truest Form

• Type 2s or The Rescuers are motivated by the need to feel accepted, loved and included.

[08:24] What Becomes Problematic in Being a Type 2

• Helping for too long might form resentment and impatience.
• Inherent in the term ‘The Rescuer’ is a sense of superiority for those who do the rescuing and inferiority to those who are being rescued.

[12:00] Understanding the Drama Triangle

• The whole drama triangle and sliding between the roles of rescuer, victim, and persecutor is a confusing slippery slope.
• Our behaviour is a reaction to the kind of role we assume or assigned to us.

[18:39] How to Recognise the Role You’re Taking

• Create pauses in your day-to-day schedule to give yourself some ‘me time’.
• You’re giving yourself a new sense of clarity.

[24:04] Pausing and Taking Control

• When we’re busy, we fall into the default of assuming these roles.
• When we find peace in our minds, we can take control of what’s taking place.

[27:36] Stepping Out of the Drama Triangle 

• Acknowledge the role you’re assuming in the drama triangle.
• Look for other options and shift the roles.

[27:36] Taking the Coaching Approach

• You’re helping the person sort out their problems and not taking their problems as your own.

[33:27] Language and Shifting Roles

• We can change our roles for the better with the language that we use.
• Using power language can empower you and puts you in a position of choice.

[41:29] Shifting the Mindset in Tricky Situations

• Taking a pause will be helpful in tricky situations.
• Refrain from assessing and doing a deep reflection when we are unhappy because it won’t do well.

[45:19] Getting into That Coach Role

• They’ll form a habit of asking themselves about their options rather than taking the role of the victim.

[50:40] Annie’s Tips to Get Out of the Drama Triangle 

• Acknowledge what you’re going through. Give yourself time to process things.
• Don’t beat yourself up.
• Watch your language.
• Before you give advice, ask the other person what they think.

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Podcast Links

• Virtual Fatigue Buster Toolkit
• Resilient Team Academy for Busy Leaders
• You Are Not A Frog Episode 65 with Dr Amit