-My heart, alas- is alienated from God, backward and contrary to the exercise of religion. I have lost all delight in spiritual things. I cannot call the Sabbath a delight, nor attend to any ordinance with pleasure. My character is very different from what is described in Psa 1.2- 'His delight is in the law of the Lord- and in his law he meditates day and night.' And my language must be just as different from what the Psalmist uses in Psa 119.97, 'How I love Your law,' etc. Those words-in Isa 53.2, 'He has no form or beauty,' etc. seem more like the language of my own heart and ways. And God may complain of me, as in Hos 8.12.1 -When I bow before the Lord in secret, it is with a servile temper - not thankful, as in enjoying a privilege, but from a sense of absolute necessity, being convinced of my need for mercy.--When I am not altogether in a stupid, dull, indolent frame, I bewail before Him the wretched depravity of my nature, and the dreadful effects of it throughout the whole man, appearing in pride, unbelief, neglect of God, and the like. But I am more affected by these things as my misery, than as my sin. And therefore, I fear I do not come to Christ as those do who are drawn by the Father.