Last week, we discussed feeling ugly in the physical sense, and today, we will discuss feeling ugly in our actions. Being mean or unkind, and then being upset with ourselves or lacking the sensitivity to be sorry about it. What do I mean by this? I am talking about our actions—what we decide to do and why. I am talking about being mean. Why are we mean to those we love? What do we do, and how can we shift?
Questions to ask yourself:
Do I feel out of control?
Why do I need control?
What am I protecting myself from?
What am I afraid of?
What signs has the other person given me that make me feel I need to defend myself?
Are these interactions healthy? Why or why not? What can be the consequences when I am mean or uncaring?
Is the consequence something I am looking for or not?
How does it hurt the relationship? How can it be different?
What are my boundaries? Can I ask the other person what their boundaries are? Is it possible to come to an agreement about how to establish and understand each other's boundaries? Do I need help figuring out my boundaries? If so, where can I go for help?
How can we establish communication that will result in positive outcomes? How can we be heard by each other?
How does the other person define love? What are the benchmarks? What actions show them that I care about them? How do I define love? What are my benchmarks?
What action shows me that I am loved? Do I have any fear about being loved? If so, what is it? How was love modeled to me as a child? How did media representation play into my idea of love?
Do I have abuse in my past? If so, what feelings do I harbor from that? Am I scared of relationships or in fear of being hurt? Can I work through this? Can I be honest with the other person about my fears? What mechanisms do I use when I am hurt to get back into feeling better?
What are the outcomes I am looking for when I am mean? What is the true end purpose/outcome of my actions?
Are there other ways to express my needs and boundaries without hurting the other? Why do I self-punish? What did I do wrong?
What preconceived ideas do I bring to this relationship? Are they based on past relationships, and can I see that this person is not the past person? What do I need in order to feel worthy of love and happiness?
How can I heal old wounds? What does this other person see in me? What are my positive attributes? Why do they stay?
How can I promote happiness instead of sabotaging it? Make a list, and try to employ one of those tactics next time rather than being mean or hurtful. How can I feel safe enough to be kind? What do I need?
How can I be authentic and have boundaries while still being kind and thoughtful? How can I let go of the worry associated with being dominated or controlled? How can I remain vulnerable while having boundaries?
Once you have determined why you engage in behavior that hurts your relationships, then work on taking action:
Some actions might be:
Do I need help and support to work through this? If so, what would my ideal help and support look like?
What can I do today to help me start shifting?
What can I do each week to help me feel more secure in choosing compassion over hurtful behaviors?
How can I stop hurting and sabotaging myself? Why do I do this, and what needs to change?
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#feelingugly #overthinking #selflove #selflovejourney #meangirls music @TrackTribe @i.care.about.you.podcast Just to let you know, this information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical credit. PLEASE BE SURE TO CONSULT A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. Trigger Warning: The episodes on the I Care About You YouTube channel and podcast episode may, at times, cover sensitive topics including but not limited to suicide, abuse, violence, severe mental illnesses, sex, drugs, alcohol addiction, psychedelics, and the use of plant medicines. You are advised to refrain from watching or listening to the YouTube Channel or Podcast if you are likely to be offended or adversely impacted by any of these topics.