AGL 017: Being Brave, leading in spite of fear and anxiety.
In order to be a leader, you must be brave. I’ve focused on leadership for many years now, and my wife even says I focus on it too much sometimes J. I see countless people that have so much potential for leadership, but have never stepped out and gave it shot due to fear. Now Fear isn’t always bad. There are good fears too. For example, I’m afraid of snakes. God gave me that fear so that I don’t get bit by one of those suckers and die. That’s a healthy fear, at least I tell myself it is. Okay, another example. I want my kids to have certain fears. I want my son to be afraid of crossing the street without holding an adult’s hand. Having that fear may save his life. But I don’t want him to be afraid to have fun because of what others might think. Two different kind of fears.
It’s amazing that my 5-year-old daughter will sing at the top of her lungs when a song comes on that she knows. She has no fear of what others will think. That’s something we learn. I’m afraid to sing in public, although I was known for rapping at karaoke in college. I bet I wasn’t afraid when I was 5. I learned to be afraid of what others might think. We can call that fear, or maybe shame. I’m ashamed of how I sound when I sing.. Many leaders have a fear, or shame of their leadership. They don’t know if they are good or not, because they never tried. Maybe this isn’t the best example, but the point I’m getting at is that your fear isn’t a healthy one. Its not in place to save your life. Its something you learned to protect yourself from a perceived risk. In order to be good at something you must be brave, or as Todd Henry put it in one of his talks, Brilliance Demands Bravery.
I want to break down 5 tips on being Brave.
1)Breathe – Last year at TEDxCharlotte I heard Jonathan Winn tell his story on the power of one breath. - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oqYovTjD6Q He talks about how deep breathes can calm your nervous, relax your mind and body. When I’m nervous. I breathe.
2) Reason with yourself why you’re afraid - Figure out what your fears are all about. Many time its not the act that we’re afraid of, but rather the reaction of others. Before I started teaching college, I was afraid to speak in front of people. On my frist day of class, I suffered from The Imposter Syndrome and I didn’t want to go. But I muscled through it. I just knew that when I got In front of that class they would find me out as a fraud. They would ask me a technical question that I didn’t know the answer too, then start booing and throwing papers at me. Well, they did ask some questions that I didn’t know the answer to. But they accepted that I didn’t know, and a quick Google Search got us the answer and got the class back on track. People actually liked and learned from what I had to say. I was helping people. My fears had not justification. Now, to break this down. I wasn’t afraid of teaching, or speaking. I was afraid of some reaction that I thought the people I was teaching might have. I was afraid of something that I thought might happen, but was 99.9% likely to NOT happen. Figure out what you’re really afraid of.
3) Accept your fears - Accept the fact that you’re afraid, and that its okay to be afraid. But also play out that fear. What’s the worse that can happen? No Really, what’s the worse that can happen. So, let’s play out the teaching gig… I show up the first day of class, with my fly down. The students laugh at me. They ask me questions I don’t know the answers to. I freeze, the students through things at me. One of the students works for the local news and writes a story about how dumb I am. I get fired from my day job… Really? Really? Doesn’t this sound ridiculous? That’s because it is. Most of our fears are for things that have never happened and most likely would/could never happen. In the 4 Hour Work Week, Tim Ferris, says to list out your fears, play them out,
It’s amazing that my 5-year-old daughter will sing at the top of her lungs when a song comes on that she knows. She has no fear of what others will think. That’s something we learn. I’m afraid to sing in public, although I was known for rapping at karaoke in college. I bet I wasn’t afraid when I was 5. I learned to be afraid of what others might think. We can call that fear, or maybe shame. I’m ashamed of how I sound when I sing.. Many leaders have a fear, or shame of their leadership. They don’t know if they are good or not, because they never tried. Maybe this isn’t the best example, but the point I’m getting at is that your fear isn’t a healthy one. Its not in place to save your life. Its something you learned to protect yourself from a perceived risk. In order to be good at something you must be brave, or as Todd Henry put it in one of his talks, Brilliance Demands Bravery.
I want to break down 5 tips on being Brave.
1)Breathe – Last year at TEDxCharlotte I heard Jonathan Winn tell his story on the power of one breath. - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oqYovTjD6Q He talks about how deep breathes can calm your nervous, relax your mind and body. When I’m nervous. I breathe.
2) Reason with yourself why you’re afraid - Figure out what your fears are all about. Many time its not the act that we’re afraid of, but rather the reaction of others. Before I started teaching college, I was afraid to speak in front of people. On my frist day of class, I suffered from The Imposter Syndrome and I didn’t want to go. But I muscled through it. I just knew that when I got In front of that class they would find me out as a fraud. They would ask me a technical question that I didn’t know the answer too, then start booing and throwing papers at me. Well, they did ask some questions that I didn’t know the answer to. But they accepted that I didn’t know, and a quick Google Search got us the answer and got the class back on track. People actually liked and learned from what I had to say. I was helping people. My fears had not justification. Now, to break this down. I wasn’t afraid of teaching, or speaking. I was afraid of some reaction that I thought the people I was teaching might have. I was afraid of something that I thought might happen, but was 99.9% likely to NOT happen. Figure out what you’re really afraid of.
3) Accept your fears - Accept the fact that you’re afraid, and that its okay to be afraid. But also play out that fear. What’s the worse that can happen? No Really, what’s the worse that can happen. So, let’s play out the teaching gig… I show up the first day of class, with my fly down. The students laugh at me. They ask me questions I don’t know the answers to. I freeze, the students through things at me. One of the students works for the local news and writes a story about how dumb I am. I get fired from my day job… Really? Really? Doesn’t this sound ridiculous? That’s because it is. Most of our fears are for things that have never happened and most likely would/could never happen. In the 4 Hour Work Week, Tim Ferris, says to list out your fears, play them out,
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