After the first year of separation or divorce, former husbands and wives often don't get to have a clear playbook on how the holidays should look like. The preparation and logistics are already complex and get exacerbated if you haven't figured out how to manage your emotions. It's overwhelming as it is. 

As you face the fact that the family unit has disintegrated, the ways used to celebrate this time are no longer the same, and those changes can be devastating. 

I  can tell you from my own experience that there are ways for you to navigate this, and there are possibilities available to you to experience the gratitude and the joy that comes with the holidays. 

👉🏼 Tune in to the new episode of the Divorced Woman's Guide —Tips To Survive Divorce During the Holidays.

Top points you'll discover: 

 ✔️ Tip #1: Focus on what is best for your kids. This can be hard, but it means putting aside your feelings towards your former spouse. You can do this by ensuring that you have emotional support, either talking to friends, a diverse group, or even your own therapist. Process through your emotions and feel whatever comes up. However, it's not a good idea to share any of that information or to put any of that on our children. They can feel it; they can sense it and remember that your kids know that they're a part of both of you. And so they still want to enjoy their time with their other parent, and they want to be able to enjoy time with you as well. 

 ✔️ Tip #2:  Have a clear plan. This is why, when you're going through your divorce that it is so essential to spell out custody for the holidays. Depending on your arrangement, discuss what days the kids spend with each parent or how and where you pick up and drop off. For the sake of your kids, coordination and clarity are incredibly important.

 ✔️ Tip #3: Don't look at the holidays as a competition with your ex.  How many of you are like chomping at the bit to inundate your kids with "Where did you go? What did you eat? Who was there?" Go easy on questions when you get the kids back and prevent yourself from going down that path and bombard them with questions about the experience that they had with their other parent. 

 ✔️ Tip #4: Give yourself grace and patience. Losing the idea of the family we had is so painful for everybody, even for the person who initiated the separation. The emotional ups and downs will be there like a roller coaster because perhaps you're still in that grieving process. I encourage you to do this holiday season to immerse yourself in your new future, come up with new traditions, and maintain some old ones that perhaps get to look a little bit different over time.

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Connect with Wendy Sterling:

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Twitter: @thedivorcerehab

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Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/support-call-with-wendy?month=2021-07