In which we welcome our man Jim White back from the World Cup to deliver a first person account of the cack-handedness of FIFA, the inability of England players to hold instructions in their head for more than two minutes, and the irresistible attraction of 40 blondes in orange mini skirts. We also mark Ringo Starr's 70th birthday today with Mat Priest of Dodgy, a drummer who knows what's involved in being Ringo in a Beatles tribute band. Happy Birthday, Ringo, from all of us.

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