Building a sense of self after narcissistic abuse requires that you identify your childhood wounds, dismantlement their effects on you and re-code into health. The messages your parents left you with diminish your sense of self, leaving you at the effect of life. What ideally should have happened, is proper attainment and mirroring and support of yourself. What happens in narcissistic abusive families, is that the emerging self is hijacked in order to serve the needs of the parents robbing you of proper development. Sometimes you have to severe the ties with people who don't support you.