The coveted Crimes against the English Language award goes to Penny Mordaunt today for mangling almost a dozen football analogies into one short Commons speech. We are still trying to work out what a left wing striker is but for now what you need to know is that the Conservative frontbench is nervously awaiting a response to their small boats policy from President Macron tomorrow when Rishi Sunak goes to Paris.

The News Agents hear their might be a firm Gallic 'non' coming. So what happens to the returns policy then? And is that why Conservatives want to carry on talking about Gary Lineker for as long as they feasibly can...

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The News Agents is a Global Player Original and a Persephonica Production.