In this episode of PRETEND, we meet “Ashley”—not her real name—who recorded hours of arguments with her husband in an effort to understand what was happening inside her marriage. From the outside, it looked like petty spats over groceries or laundry. But when you hear the audio, you realize this was something darker.
Ashley’s husband was emotionally abusive, manipulative, and battling addiction. It wasn’t until COVID lockdowns that his mask slipped and she could see who he really was. He used suicide threats to control her, drained her financially, and isolated her from support. And yet, as is often the case with narcissists, everyone else thought he was the victim.
This is not one of the most outrageous stories we’ve told on PRETEND—but it’s one of the most common. It’s a story many people quietly live through and struggle to name. This is what emotional abuse sounds like.
🛑 Warning Signs of Narcissistic Abuse:
- Constant criticism or belittling (often about “small” things like chores or tone of voice)
- Love-bombing followed by extreme withdrawal or cruelty
- Gaslighting: making you question your memory, reality, or emotions
- Isolation from friends, family, or support systems
- Walking on eggshells to avoid setting them off
- Financial control or sabotage
- Using guilt, blame, or self-harm threats to manipulate behavior
- Alternating between praise and punishment
- Jealousy of your attention—especially toward children
📌 If you’re in a similar situation, here are resources that can help:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 800-799-7233 or thehotline.org — Free, confidential, 24/7
- Psychology Today Therapist Finder: psychologytoday.com
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services (SAMHSA) Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
- Narcissist Abuse Recovery Support: DomesticShelters.org – Includes emotional abuse filters
- One Mom’s Battle: onemomsbattle.com – Focused on divorcing narcissists and protecting children
- Love is Respect (for younger listeners): loveisrespect.org
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