Malcolm details the aggressive dating tactics he used to find a wife, treating it like a sales and marketing funnel. He optimized for volume and pre-vetted candidates.

Simone: [00:00:00] Yeah. And I'd also love to talk, I think like tactically, I think people would find it interesting, the things you did to make your high throughput screening scale

Malcolm: So really important thing to remember is every interaction with an individual you might marry can be thought of as a roll of the dice, which has a probability that they are going to be interested in you and interested in choosing you as a product on the market. Right. And. That probability can be influenced by two things.

Malcolm: Either by increasing the probability that every individual partner you interact with would be interested in marrying you. Or increase the number of people you're interacting with. Both of those would end in the same percentage probability that you find a wife.

Malcolm: So one of the biggest things is just really, really high throughput. But now we're going to talk about finding a wife as a sales strategy. Because I think this is the core way to conceptualize it.

Would you like to know more?

Simone: Hello, Malcolm.

Malcolm: Hello, Simone. So [00:01:00] we recorded a secret video because when I put it into Claude, it was like, oh, no, no, no, you, I cannot even talk about this video. I cannot share this video. It was on how to get people to sleep with you. But the, the, the key. You know, set up for intro for this video is the way that you perfect getting people to sleep with you, specifically women.

Malcolm: So we're going to talk about this from the context of men it will develop one strategy in the same way that. And that strategy will not be the ideal strategy for finding the type of person that you're going to marry. And yet it is the mechanism that many men use to attempt to find that person.

Malcolm: This is the same way that many women get confused. They go out on dating markets and they think that their value on the sex market is their value on the marriage market, and it is not. In other words,

Simone: they think that like, if an eight will sleep with them, then they should be able to marry an eight when really a lazy eight just wanted to sleep with them a three or four because they didn't [00:02:00] want to bother trying to get someone

Malcolm: harder to get.

Malcolm: But the point here being is that these two markets are different. They're not just different for girls. They're also different for guys and the strategies that they get women to sleep with you. They can still get women to marry you, but the type of women you want to sleep with. Well, let's put it this way.

Malcolm: They're typically the type of woman who's going to be more promiscuous. They're typically the type of woman that you can, like, pick up at a bar. They are not the type of woman that you want to raise your kids. That you want to, and this is a, you know, a post that I saw recently. This one I could not agree with you.

Malcolm: You look at parenting books, . And they go, look, if these books were honest, what they would actually be is books targeted at single guys. And if they were a 10 chapter book, Nine of the chapters would be focused on how to get a good wife, because who you matter both genetically and parenting style and the general environment and vibe of the house that the kids grow up in matter so much more than any parenting strategy you could conceive.

Malcolm: Simply implement who you marry is [00:03:00] everything. If you, you know, make a point and you're like, okay, I am going to make a sacrifice on her being a little narcissistic. Well, now your kids are going to be a little narcissistic and they're going to grow up in an environment ruled by a narcissist, which will make their lives.

Malcolm: It's harder, right? And so when you are out there and you have developed a strategy, a strategy that gets women who you didn't know before that night to sleep with you is going to intrinsically target thoughts, you know, T H O T's right? Like individuals who will sleep with a guy because they believe that guy is just so arousing in the moment that they're just going to go out and sleep with them.

Malcolm: And yet the type of woman who you, I think most of our viewers would want to marry, right? Would never sleep with a guy in a scenario like that. So of course, if you implement these strategies, you're going to get these horrible, untrustworthy vipers of women that the MGTOW community has a waltz. Right.

Malcolm: It's not a waltz. It's like a guy's out fishing. Right. Then you say, he's like, this pond only has [00:04:00] catfish in it. And it's like, well, you're using a catfish lure. Like, of course you're only catching catfish. So anyway, let's go into how to actually secure a high quality wife and one day we might be able to, maybe we'll do it on the subreddit or something like that, release the, the evil video that Claude thought was too effective at getting people to sleep with you.

Malcolm: But anyway all right. So, so. First, I think we should go into the context of what Simone and I were doing and how much effort we were putting in when we found each other. Because I think the biggest thing that people don't do is they do not put in the effort. So Simone, do you want to talk about what you were doing at the time?

Malcolm: Yeah,

Simone: I created a competitive dating game in my office where we each got points that we put on a whiteboard. For like, got someone to go on a date with you date that lasted longer than four hours, first base, like, et cetera, like just to, just to make it fun and competitive. And then I also had a scoring system to determine if someone was worth a second date, 10 points for five questions.

Simone: So total of [00:05:00] zero to 50 points. First question, how excited were you to see them? Second, how excited were you, or pleased were you by any physical contact? Like could be shaking hands, could be making out third, how much did you enjoy conversation with them? How much do you want to see them again, and fifth, how much do you think they want to see you?

Simone: I also created a keyword stuffed, okay, Quibert profile. And at the time of really easy way to get people to see your profile, aside from just spamming them with messages, which I totally did, which was also a great thing to do as a girl because no one messages guys was to sit and answer weird questions.

Simone: And like have those end up in other people's feet, like as they're on the app. Cause then they would comment on that and like, come to my profile. So basically I had like an SEO optimized. per dating apps strategy and then a bunch of scoring systems and personal motivation systems to get me on as many dates as possible.

Simone: And you were doing something

Malcolm: similarly aggressive, almost like a company, like, like you would be marketing a startup or something, you know, it was this as my goal with this account. Here is how I'm going [00:06:00] to optimize for the outcome of this goal. Like, and I think that that was really clever for me. I was doing what I called at the time high throughput screening.

Malcolm: So, in biology, if you've ever seen things where you have like just hundreds of vials and you have a machine that's going like good junk. Could junk could junk on like tons of vials. What it's doing is something called high throughput screening often where it has an antigen like a single thing like a bacteria or something and it's trying to find something that binds to this.

Malcolm: It's trying to find a thing that binds it to just puts it in the presence of hundreds of thousands of millions of different variations of chemicals until one thing binds with it, right? You're trying to get this perfect binding site. And that's sort of what I was doing, which is to say you know, I was going out there and I was doing at least, I had a rule for myself, at least five dates a week.

Malcolm: And I've been doing that for, I don't know, three, four years at that point. You know, I, I, I tell a person you're going to need to do this likely for at least two years to, to find a wife. And this means that some days you're going to have to go on like three dates a day. You're going to have to expand the circle.

Malcolm: You're going to need to be willing to dive three hours to a [00:07:00] date and three hours back. You know, if you want to really have a big pool. You know, you need to be aggressive and expansive and you may even need to choose where you're living based on finding a spouse at the time that you're doing it. This is not like people are like, well, that's hard.

Malcolm: Yeah, it's hard. It's hard to find a really good wife. You have to work your absolute butt off to do it. And you need to willing to be compromised. Even with all of that. Simone didn't meet many of the metrics of the things I was looking for in a wife. I wanted a woman who was an heiress. You know, that was something that I was really looking for in a wife.

Malcolm: I, it's the easiest way to make money, you know, Simone. But when I saw her work ethic. I also wanted somebody from like an elite university, right? When I saw her work ethic, I was like, well, I guess I can get you into a good university and you can make money. So, and you did, you know, you ended up getting into Cambridge not long after we got engaged.

Malcolm: And but I knew that that was going to happen, right? You know, I, I, I had something that I wanted. And so it's important to know what are the things that a person could or might want to change about themselves or aspire to [00:08:00] versus what's just set in stone and a woman isn't going to change or man, isn't going to change when you're looking for them.

Malcolm: So really important thing to remember is every interaction with an individual you might marry can be thought of as sort of a roll of the dice, which has a probability that they are going to be interested in you and interested in sort of choosing you as a product on the market. Right. And. That probability can be influenced by two things.

Malcolm: So let's say like your probability of finding a wife at the end of the day can be influenced by two things. And with every wife you're going to have some, every potential wife, you're going to have some set probability of them being interested in you. You can think of this as sort of your score on a 1 to 10 ratio in terms of your acceptability as a husband.

Malcolm: The, the two ways that you win this is either by increasing the probability that every individual partner you interact with would be interested in marrying you. Or increase the number of people you're interacting with. Both of those would end in the same percentage probability that you find a wife.

Malcolm: So one of the biggest things is just really, really high throughput. But now we're going to talk [00:09:00] about finding a wife as a sales strategy. Because I think this is the core way to conceptualize it. So if I because I've built sales departments for companies, so I know how this works so if I'm building on a sales department, so how do I think of it?

Malcolm: So first you have your leads, like these are the contacts that sales people are calling and often you will give like a salesperson. You have one team that comes up with list of leads and then they give that team. , you can sort of work at the sales team.

Malcolm: You can be one that is trying to hit the maximum amount of leads possible, or you can increase the quality of the lead. And this means that you're essentially pre vetting a lead, right? And this is where you're sourcing your partner. Right. So the place that you source partners in a way prescreens that pool of partners, you know, as I said to Simone on our first date, which she often mentions, as I said, well, I'm probably not going to marry you because I'm about to start the same for business school where there's a large pool of pre vetted marriage candidates.

Malcolm: And I literally meant that these women have been pre vetted for many of the candidates. Things that I was looking for in a wife. So that was a very [00:10:00] high quality lead pool. The important thing when you are out there looking for a wife or a husband is to find very large pools of pre vetted candidates.

Malcolm: And specifically, like if you want to do an additional thing that leans things in your favor, pre vetted candidates will, you will have an arbitrage within that community. An arbitrage meaning that in when people are looking for a wife or a husband, you can think of it like being out on the market, like to like buy a, A fish or something like that, right?

Malcolm: Or did you go to a grocery store? Actually, we'll say a market for buying fish. Not everybody likes the same types of fish, right? And what I am willing to pay for one species of fish might be a lot more than another person because that species of fish is more to my taste. than it is to the general market, or it is to somebody specific.

Malcolm: There, there are some fish that might go for a lot that I just have no interest in at all. Now you can explicitly target environments where you have these [00:11:00] arbitrage plays or where, you know, women or men that you like the general public doesn't like may be in larger numbers. So like, if you go to like a I guess like a chubby chasers thing, right?

Malcolm: Like if you're really into like fat women, the general public is less into fat women. And because of that. If you are sourcing women in an environment where there's lots of fat women, you are going to find women where you are a better candidate than most of the people who are interested in them, and you can potentially source better potential partners.

Malcolm: Or if it's an environment where you know women really respect intelligence. Or, or maybe more likely to care that you're intelligent. You know, you're going to perform better in those environments than you would in like a bar or something like that. So that's really important to care about. So this is first stage of the sales process.

Malcolm: You've got to have a either large pools of candidates that you're going through like at scale or pre vetted pools of candidates. The ideal thing you want. Is many large pools [00:12:00] of pre vetted candidates where you have some sort of arbitrage advantage. Then was in the sales cycle, the single biggest mistake that sales people make is they spend too long on a lead that isn't going to close.

Malcolm: There are people who, when you are making the sale, who will talk to you, even if. They really have no intention of ever buying. And this is true for dating. You need to typically in the relationship by the second or third date, if it is clear that you are either not going to want to marry them, or there is some sort of like reason that like, you can't get married, like they don't want to have kids or something like that.

Malcolm: Like you want to be betting all of these things super quickly. And it can even make sense. And this is very different than when you're dating for sex. To act or reveal things about you, act in a way or reveal things about you that would screen out intrinsically most women, but not the woman who you would actually want to marry.

Malcolm: So on the first date, you know, I'm going and it's what I'm going to tell this, I told her first date, [00:13:00] I want to get married. We're going to do that. I was like, I am out here looking for a wife. And most women would be like, Oh, that's creepy that you would say that on a first date, but to the type of woman I would want to marry, that wouldn't be creepy.

Malcolm: And what that did is I didn't waste second dates with those women who thought that was creepy. Yes, that vetted out a large percentage of women, but it was a very useful vetting tool because that was part of my time that I wasn't wasting on a second date, but I was instead wasting on or not wasting, but utilizing on more for first dates.

Simone: Yeah. And I'd also love to talk, I think like tactically, I think people would find it interesting, the things you did to make your high throughput screening scale. And this is not something we've ever really talked about before. But. Yeah. I think a lot of people, when we tell people, yeah, it's a numbers game.

Simone: They always are like, okay, fine. Like I'll try to date once a week. And we're like, no, no, no. Malcolm would date every weeknight and then double up on weekends. And I think people are like, you know what? That's not sustainable. Like I cannot [00:14:00] do that. I will not do that. But you did, and you did a lot of things to make it work.

Simone: So for example, when you were in university, I think you first discovered that if you frequently ate at a restaurant, they would give you special deals. There was, was that Indian restaurant in St. Andrews?

Malcolm: Yes. I love that. Sorry. Let's go, let's say Before we go further with this particular chain of, of logic. Okay. Within these first dates, what do you talk about, right? What you should always be talking about is what you want your future to be and what they want their future to be. That is the most important thing you need to know when you're vetting a potential wife.

Malcolm: So don't go talking about freaking hobbies and stuff like that, or what the weather is, or what movie you recently watched, or what you think of ex No, it's, it's, it's every one of these topics. And this was true of our first conversation, right? I was like, Simone, what do you want to be doing in 10 years?

Malcolm: What do you want to be doing in 20 years? How many kids do you want to have? You know, I was very interested in, in, in your future. Because then I could understand if that was compatible with my future and people who don't like to think about the future. It also helped bet them [00:15:00] out of the potential pipeline.

Malcolm: But, but that was something that was very important for our compatibility. So yes, you were talking about the restaurants. One thing I would do is I would take women to the same restaurants over and over and over again. Like all the dates I would do, I do the same restaurant because I get to know the restaurant really well.

Malcolm: I would tip well and they treat me really well. And so this made me look really good to the women who went like, you noticed this when I took you to a restaurant, you were like. Oh, all of the staff here seems to know you and it's like, yes, because this is part of my routine. But then I would do other things.

Malcolm: One of the things I would do is so you can buy uncut or even cut gems, but like unlaid gems sort of in very large quantities. You know, certain types of sapphires, amethysts, stuff like that at very reasonable prices, you know, 40, 50 per gem. And then you can take these gems and fairly early in the dating process, now you really should not be getting to a third or fourth date unless you think it's an incredibly high probability you're going to marry the person.

Malcolm: Like they've really passed a lot of your betting. And so, you get to that stage with the [00:16:00] woman. And you can offer her on the date, like do a, oh, I would do a, like a pick a hand thing sometimes. And in one hand I'd have a rose and in the other hand I'd have a gemstone. And then after giving them whichever one I would give them, I would, I would give them the other as well.

Malcolm: It's like, be like, you know, either, obviously both for you and this would be like on a night walk through town, you know, and

Simone: this was all part of a routine. Like he'd done this. It was all part of the routine. Yeah. But again, like having these little tropes, but all like little moves that women find very charming, like very meaningful,

Malcolm: right?

Malcolm: Well, they found it very charming, but it was the type of thing that the woman I'd want to marry would find charming. And it's the type of thing that would make her feel like... Oh, this guy's really invested in me. He's given me something that no one else has given me. But the point of giving an unlaid gem to them is it makes them think, oh, this would go amazing in a wedding ring one day.

Malcolm: This would go amazing in an engagement ring one day. Because the fact that it's not in a ring yet brings that to mind and now they're holding on to it. And now they're putting it [00:17:00] somewhere special. Thinking about that. So you're beginning to lay these ideas in their mind while also providing hooks for them to talk about these ideas with you.

Malcolm: Many women, when I do this, they would talk about that as a concept, you know, and that allows us to talk about, well, okay, if we were to get married, logistics, planning, family, what would we do, you know, and it is very, very important that you screen out people where even if you really like them, you are just.

Malcolm: For whatever reason, not long term compatible. Like maybe they, what do they want to do with their family when their family's old? Like, are they planning to have them live with you? You know, like that's the type of thing that matters and matters to bet for.

Simone: So another thing that you would do to make dates more affordable is make a picnic.

Simone: So you would either get like really expensive, like store bought pre prepped meals, which obviously is way less expensive than a restaurant meal with tips and everything. And then you would take your date. To a special place either something really scenic or something both scenic and kind of against the rules to make it Yeah,

Malcolm: [00:18:00] so that was really key to break rules on these early days, you know, there's a famous experiment of the bridge right where?

Malcolm: you it basically a woman or a man was on a A bridge at the top of a bridge and they would, they would get survey responsive from somebody and then give the person their number afterwards. And some of these bridges were dangerous and very high. And some of these bridges were very safe. The people who did this at the dangerous bridge would end up getting many, many more call backs.

Malcolm: And the idea here being that if you, but also it frames you as somebody who's sort of like, I think most people want to partner in crime, right? So you can do little break in college, my typical place to break into. Was this castle on campus and we would break in and we would do in the ruins of the castle and have a little picnic together at night under the stars.

Malcolm: And it worked very well with me and you. It was do you want to talk about the place I would break into at that

Simone: stage? Yeah, there was right across from the restaurant that was his go to restaurant was a four seasons hotel. [00:19:00] That had some like office hallways just for its administrative offices and you would take women dates there after dinner.

Simone: And If you went

Malcolm: down the central stairwell in this worst season in the center of San Francisco, I'm almost sure this isn't the case anymore, but some people are like, Oh my God, that was my office. That's why it was weird every day. You could if you tried the doors on the stairwell, which of course I love exploring.

Malcolm: So I would go and I would try like urban exploring and stuff like that. Try these doors. One of them was always unlocked and it went into an office. Now your perception is it was the Four Seasons office. I think it might've just been a typical corporate office that was in the same building. Because it didn't have Four Seasons.

Malcolm: Like I just think they would have flyers and stuff. I think it was just a corporate office, but it was always open. So I can go and hang out at night in this office. In a hallway. To be

Simone: clear, just

Malcolm: a hallway. No, no, no, we go into the office. You don't remember the office? We

Simone: didn't go into an office. We just got the hallway, so

Malcolm: Oh, I guess.

Malcolm: Oh, yeah, you didn't get the full experience then. I'm sorry, Simone. You were just [00:20:00] so easy. That I didn't I didn't even make it to the office. Sorry. You were so alluring to the office, to be clear, she never kissed anyone. She was a virgin when I met her. Oh, she'd actually kissed one person before this, but what?

Malcolm: So it was a one person, but she wasn't actually easy. She was just very interested in me specifically. Sorry, you're, you're giving this look like you're a goof. Anyway, so that was one thing I do because it built this bond with the person and it sort of heightened the bond. When you are willing to break rules with a person when you're often more likely to go over your own personal barriers to like moving the relationship faster than you otherwise might be willing to.

Malcolm: But also it felt very like,

Simone: It felt forbidden and risky and exciting and memorable. But for you, it was very low stakes and rote and safe and inexpensive. So it was an, it was a way to make a date. Memorable and [00:21:00] exciting in an affordable and not actually risky way. Yeah. And

Malcolm: another thing I do is, you know, learn to cook cooking for a woman, you know, in one of these early dates can be really good and very inexpensive if you get really good at it, which is something that, you know.

Malcolm: I've done little cooking videos on this channel. I should do more of those. They're fun to do as a family, but I really like cooking as Simone could tell you. But yeah, that was a really key thing. What else?

Simone: Oh, I'm trying to think.

Malcolm: Oh, here was a key thing I would always talk about on date too. Oh, it's a very useful thing. I'd say. What do you want from life? So one, we're talking about the future, right? But what do you need to get there? Like, what do you not have? Like, what's your plan in there? And can we workshop a better plan or find a faster way to get you there?

Malcolm: Or what are you looking for? Now, one that allows me to see where I'm of utility to them, because if you're of utility to somebody outside of just dating and sex, then they're going to be more interested in you, but two, [00:22:00] it allowed me to. See how they reacted to the offer of like, okay, here's how you can get there faster.

Malcolm: Here's how I can help you. Most people, and this really surprises me, but it's true. If you talk to them about what they want from their life, and then you're like, okay, here's how I can help you achieve that. They actually don't really follow up with it. They don't aggressively follow up with it, they're not, and it makes it clear to me that they're not actually interested in achieving these things.

Malcolm: This is like a vision of what they might want from life, but it's not something that they are actively, every day, working towards. The type of person who's like, okay, this strategy might work, this strategy might work and then acts on those strategies. That's the type of person I would want to marry and that's the type of person you were, you immediately acted on all of the strategies I laid out

Simone: for you and that reminds me of another thing that you do to vet people which is you had a subscription.

Simone: No, you didn't have, you had purchased a bunch of. College courses from the teaching company, AKA The Great Courses, which is now [00:23:00] Wondrium Netflix. Yeah, so now you can get a subscription to Wondrium. But you would offer people those lectures and then you would see if they actually were intellectually curious enough.

Simone: To use them.

Malcolm: And they cost a lot. I mean, at least it costs like 500 per series. I mean, you're buying like 24, 48 hours of like lectures.

Simone: So, yeah, but like it was, I think that's, that's interesting as, as a vetting mechanism and also as a gift, like for, for someone who shares your values, it's a really big gift.

Simone: So it, it increases your social capital with someone that you'd really care about. It also helps you weed out people who don't share that. with you. And I think that's really important. If you have some kind of value or thing that's really important to you and that person doesn't like take up the lore, if you drop it, then you know, they're not going to be good.

Malcolm: You can tell me, educate myself. I really like to be well read. I really like, you know, see myself as like a smart person or whatever. And then you drop, you're like, okay, here's 24 hours of lectures on a topic you said you cared about. Are you going to watch them? [00:24:00] Are you going to listen to them? Very few people actually did that.

Malcolm: You were one of the only ones who's like going through hundreds of hours of lectures. As soon as I would get them to be done with them in like four days. And I think it just shows that it's very easy to signal that you're interested in one thing on a date, but not actually be that type of person or not actually be interested in that thing.

Malcolm: And yet, you know, you and me as real life individuals, we can test, we can test. Yeah. What an individual actually cares about by looking at what they actually engage with when dropped in front of them.

Simone: Yeah. And I think there, there are differences here. So one way of vetting that we've heard other people do is they'll be like, Hey, do you want to go on this trip with me?

Simone: Like, Oh, I'm outdoorsy. Would you like to go on a rafting trip with me? And then the partner's like, yes, of course. And they like grin and bear it. Right. Like they. Get through it to get you that's very different from being like, Hey, here's this thing I have you know, if you'd like it, like, go ahead, you know, like there, I think that won't be seen as, as transparently [00:25:00] by many prospective partners as a test.

Simone: So like, you know, I don't know, like, there's no outdoors equivalent that I can think of, but like, I don't know, like, here's, here's a subscription access to all national parks, just in case you ever want to go to one. And like, if the, if the prospective partner, like, doesn't go on a single camping trip with that thing you give them, like, kind of probably sign that they're not actually outdoorsy, but I do like that part of your vetting involved.

Simone: Things not done with you at the same

Malcolm: time. Yeah. I think another really core thing, and we mentioned this before, but I just want to mention it because it's one of the single most important things about finding a high quality wife. is not wasting time with people you're not going to marry. This means you're willing to date with a hot woman.

Malcolm: She wants to sleep with you. She wants to sleep with you all the time now. Sex is great, but it's clear you're never going to marry her. Ghost her. Not ghost her. Like, obviously be nice and tell her, like, I'm not interested and break up amicably because she might be a source of a potential person who you would marry.

Malcolm: But do not allow that to distract you. You cannot be [00:26:00] distracted. By things like sex and status signals when you are looking for a wife. That is absolutely key. And you cannot allow things like that to blind you. You know, many of the highest quality women are not going to be interested in sleeping with you anytime early in the dating process.

Malcolm: And that is something that A lot of guys, because they're using strategies that they develop naturally. It makes perfect sense. You develop a strategy for getting girls to sleep with you for getting girlfriends. And of course, you're going to apply that to finding a wife. Of course you naturally live because ours.

Malcolm: Society tells us that those two things are the same type of a thing. Like one is like the kid version of doing this adult thing. It is not. It is a different thing. It is completely different mechanisms. It is completely different ways of, of, of doing it and being, even if you're being skeezy when doing it, if you're doing it effectively, you're doing it in different ways.

Malcolm: But anyway, the final thing I might talk about here is a bit about lures. When a person [00:27:00] is in a relationship with you, and we talked about this about with the catfish analogy. There are different things you can offer them to get them interested in a long term relationship with you, right? And one, what you're typically offering as a lure when you're out there just getting women to sleep with you is, I am sexually attractive you should want to sleep with me, right?

Malcolm: Probably the worst conceivable lure when you're looking for a wife. Another one that often is used when you're getting people to sleep with you is, I am like you. If you sleep with me, it would be very low cost to you because, you know, I'm attractive enough, I'm also quiet enough within our friend circles, and this can be like a, a low cost thing for you to get to experiment in some way you want to experiment.

Malcolm: Like, this is really often useful when people are very inexperienced as a lure. And it was one of the lures that I often did best because I would sleep with lots and lots of virgins back when I did. In the video that we can't post I mentioned when I stopped counting how many people I'd slept with, which was at a, around a hundred.

Malcolm: 35 of them or so were virgins. So like about a third of them were virgins. And [00:28:00] that's because I was using a lure that really, really worked with virgins, which was just being like a really high trust, nice person. But it's a bit more complicated than that as we go into in the video. And that's probably why Claude thought it was so naughty.

Malcolm: But anyway other lures that you can use. Are ones like I fit like your cultural stereotype of a good husband or a good wife, which is often a very bad lure to use, because if you're doing that then you are only useful to them so long as you fit that stereotype and they are interested in you insofar as you augment their vision, often to their friends or of themselves, which is, it can be okay, but it's usually not great.

Malcolm: Another one that is, is typically really bad is. I make you happy. You make me happy, right? Because then it's so easy to end up at cross purposes there because something that makes me happy will often make my partner unhappy, right? Another one, which is really great is, Oh, I want to work towards this end goal and we can work towards it together, right?

Malcolm: Like, that's a really strong lure that can lead to really good relationships. You know, especially if you're like working in an industry together or something like [00:29:00] that, right? Because then you, you have a reason to work together. You have aligned incentives often because you're sort of creating this sort of family company or corporate structure that you're using to achieve this.

Malcolm: The one that we use and the one that I, or that I use that I would suggest most, I call the Pygmalion Lure which is to say, I can help you be the person that you want to be. And, and that lure leads to really, really strong relationships. The place that it most often fails is if the person, like typically with a Pygmalion lure, typically one person is starting in a more dominant position, like they're helping the other person achieve their dreams.

Malcolm: But if that other person it can too easily become the damsel in distress lure, where like, you're interested in the person only because they're so amazed by all the nice things you're able to do for them that they can't achieve in their daily life. And that's a really bad lure, because then they begin to normalize to those things, and they begin to get jaded by those things, and they begin to not appreciate you.

Malcolm: The Pygmalion lure is quite different. It's, this is what you want to achieve with your life, I can help you achieve these things. The place where it fails is once the person has achieved those things, once they become your equal, [00:30:00] often. Are you then able to allow them to shape you? Are you humble enough to allow that?

Malcolm: Or are you so arrogant that you were really only interested in being a guide to somebody else instead of a Pygmalion team where both of you is shaping the other person to constantly improve sort of to be your Red Queen. When I say the Red Queen, the Red Queen hypothesis, theory is often used in evolution, but it's talking about a scene in Alice in Wonderland where they are talking about an individual running as fast as they can, but they're measuring their improvement based on how they're doing in competition with the Red Queen, who's running just as fast as they are at all times.

Malcolm: So they're never really improving because they're running, they're racing with somebody who's always constantly racing alongside them. And this is how Like Predator and Prey and Evolution is like about how Predator and Prey evolve alongside each other. But in a marriage, it can be a cycle of self improvement.

Malcolm: Where your self improvement is both inspired by the person who you originally helped sort of get off the ground. But pushed forwards by that. You know, [00:31:00] this... And some people wouldn't want that. Some people... You know, as we would say was in our relationship, the single most toxic thing would be somebody who say, I'm happy with you the way you are.

Malcolm: I love you the way you are. You know, I love you for who you can be, who you have the, the possibility of becoming and you've become so much already that in many ways, I love you for who you are today, but I think I'd stop loving you if you stopped trying to improve yourself or stop daily improving yourself.

Simone: Yeah. Best kind of marriage for sure. I mean, truly best kind of friendship, best kind of work relationship. I don't think there's a relationship that isn't best as a Pygmalion relationship. I mean, the more people you have in the world to help you become the best version of the person you want to be the better but

Malcolm: which means the worst kind of friends you can have the most the truest betrayal a friend can ever tell you is I love you.

Malcolm: As you are for who you are. Ah, you're good enough as you are today. A word.

Simone: Well, thank God we don't accept each other for [00:32:00] who we are.

Malcolm: No, God. Disgusting. Humanity is wretched. We can never be anything worthy, but we can at least strive for

Simone: it. Yeah. So let's do that.

Malcolm: That would be nice. I love you so much, Simone. I, I really do. I'm, I'm, I put in a lot of work. I got exactly what I deserved in life.

Malcolm: That, that's what I would say. And I think you did too. You know, I think some people are like, I don't, I do. F*****g deserve a wife like you. You're a great wife and I worked for a

Simone: great wife. Yeah. You deserve this marriage because you worked your ass off for it.

Malcolm: So, yep. And I had the foresight to start working for it early enough, giving up many things that other people would have.

Malcolm: College parties, college networking, stuff like that. You

Simone: know? And you had the good luck of parents who really taught you how important marriage was too.

Malcolm: Yeah. So my mom told me and, and I was. You know, I was like, Oh, college, this is the most important thing in my life. I really have to get into a good one.

Malcolm: I spent my entire middle school and high school working to get into the best college possible. So like from that perspective, it was just dude, college matters. Nothing compared to who you marry, who you marry as everything. And one of the things [00:33:00] that I put in the easiest way to get wealthy, but also it matters to how smart you are.

Malcolm: Somebody recently was asking me, they go, Oh, Malcolm, like how are you so educated about such a diversity of topics? And I think many people would assume like that's something that happens in college. No, it's my wife. It's my wife because that's what she's talking to me about every single day. Yeah. How educated you are as like a 40 year old or 30 something year old is going to predominantly be determined by who you marry.

Simone: Yeah, I do think that's really interesting that, that people can end up in like really brain dead loops or really, really a lot of growth depending on who they marry. It's underrated.

Malcolm: I'm just so, so, so grateful that the world rewards hard work sometimes, not every time. Some people might work as hard as they can, but you know, due to some genetic reason, like maybe they're short, you know, they, they can't get a, the woman they would want.

Malcolm: And that's, that's f*****g. Yeah. Tragic, it's tragic but you know, in, in, in nature, lions kill animals, bears [00:34:00] eat deer while they're still alive. You know, nature is tragic and horrifying. And unfortunately or that's the world we live in, you know, and I'm sorry for that.

Simone: True story. Yeah. I love you a lot.

Simone: And I'm glad we have what we have.

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