"It's been a year, get on with it".
If you are struggling with any kind of loss and want to feel supported and loved, this conversation is for you.
Not only will it help you, but you will see that you are normal, and, most importantly, not alone.
*This episode is part of our husband-and-wife healing conversations series. These podcast episodes are recorded outside. We are husband and wife, Liz and Brian, and we are currently staying on the Greek island of Paros with our two young adult kids as part of our year-long trip away from New Zealand.
The episode starts with us walking to a busy cafe. We invite you to come along with us and have a coffee and a chat. I think you need to hear this.
Kia kaha (stay strong), my brave friend. Liz and Brian x
PS: If you haven't yet joined my inner circle of friends, my life-letter readers, please do. You will be the first person I share everything with. I'd love to have you. Go here to join us.
I was beating myself up pretty badly in last week's behind-the-scenes outdoor podcast episode.
I was frustrated and hurting.
The thing is, I miraculously managed to get to be fifty-three years old without ever losing anyone significant in my life, so last year, when I lost both parents within a matter of months, I felt like I'd been thrown into the deep end of the murky waters of grief.
As you know, there is no handbook for how to grieve.
No guide, no nothing.
And I didn't know how to do it.
So I did what we all do, the only thing I knew how to do. I wiped my tears, stopped talking about it publicly, felt embarrassed if someone saw me with a tear-stained face and kept myself REALLY busy to hide the fact that I felt broken, lost and sinking in sadness.
In short, I did what I had been programmed to do. I got on with it. Hoped that it would all go away and never ever come back as long as I lived.
But now here I am. Sixteen months later. On this year-long trip. And, for the first time since my mum and dad died, I have time. Too much time, probably. And when you have lots of time and nothing to distract you, the feelings and emotions that have been pushed down into your toes bubble to the surface.
And the result is what you heard last week in this podcast.
Shame. Embarrassment. Resentment. Anger. Lost.
I am learning now (still learning) that this outburst, this wave of "I hate myself-ness", was a cry for help.
Because, like many of us who are grieving in a world that is too busy to stop, I didn't give myself the proper time.
Or attention.
I didn't know that grief is not just a "one-time-never-comes-back-emotion". That it needs to be honoured. Talked through. Given space. And time. As much time as it takes.
In this episode, Brian very patiently (god, I love this man) listens and advises while I remove the self-blame and shame veil. Remove it for all of us.
This is what a healing journey looks like.
This is grief. Showing up in the rawest, fullest, deepest, most desperately needing to be addressed kind of way.
I hope you feel my love and know that my heart will always beat with yours.
Stay strong, my darling friend.
Yours Liz x
And...if you're feeling really, really generous and have a few minutes to spare, it would be wonderful if you'd leave us a review. Your support means the world to us. Thank you. ❤️
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Liz and Brian x
PS: If you haven't yet joined my inner circle of friends, my life-letter readers, my gorgeous, trusted confidants, please do. You will be the first person I share everything with. You can sign up for my FREE Front Row Newsletter HERE. 🔗 Here is the link to the grief podcast Liz talked about. Listen to is, it will help: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4eI76331jY7tDlwOOiqJlA?si=x6sripXESXyyYRs-KhmTEg
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