This is our very first episode in a public place with in-person live conversations at the local coffee shop!!!!!!!!!!!! Wanting to lead by example, Fawn and Matt share their meet-cute moment on their friendships with Marianne, Danielle, and Hillary. This conversation is all about how to notice the magic, being brave enough to see people, say "Hello" and go further by sparking conversation, creating friendship, and continuing friendship when you come to points of disagreement, learning from those disagreements, and developing the art of a strong friendship.   Fawn, Matt, Marianne, Danielle, and Hillary share how they all met and prove how the world is a small town and you are surrounded by friendship.   To reach out to us, please go to: https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/     TRANSCRIPT: The Earth Is A Small Town [00:00:00] Fawn: The earth is a small town and everybody's your friend. And I dare say, even now with everything that's going around in the world, Uhhuh what's, what's going on in the world. It is still as true as ever that the earth is a small town. And everybody's your friend. Seriously. [00:00:20] Matt: Yeah, but what's this racket and I keep hearing around us. [00:00:23] Fawn: Okay. Hi everybody. We are back. This is our first time out in the wild unmasked, even and we are out, we are at a coffee shop in the most, one of the most beautiful places on the planet. We moved Matt and I moved here we are. And this is what happens. The show is more about the art of the start and throughout the last two and a half years, talking to you all, I kind of deep down felt like a hypocrite, talking about friendship and going out there and creating bonds and meeting friends and developing and nurturing friendships when we were sitting all by our lone sums in our kitchen, talking about it. Hey, so here we are. And we're gonna tell you how we did. So here's what happened. It was the power of a coupon. Matt had a coupon for a coffee shop. I had [00:01:21] Matt: a, how many years I had a gift card, two [00:01:23] Fawn: years, two years. You had a coupon for coffee two years. It was in his wallet. [00:01:30] Matt: So just as the pandemic broke, and one of the things that convinced us that this pandemic might not be a joke was I was gonna go meet with Amazon in Colorado. And I was gonna go to their offices and they were gonna do their spiel and give us free food and whatever. Right. I was just gonna go check it out. I like talking to people. I like talking tech. That's what I do. So I scheduled to go and just before I went, they canceled the event due to COVID and I was like, but, but this thing isn't, this was before it was a big deal. and I was like, but this thing, isn't a big uhoh this thing is a big deal. Isn't it? So they gave me this lovely gift card to speak with a, uh, Amazon person. And I said, cool, it's free money. So I printed it out and I just held onto it. Okay. I [00:02:11] Fawn: held onto it. But making the story short. Yes. You had a coupon and it was, uh, it was a coffee shop. We normally don't go to, but anyway, you had this thing in your wallet and we never went out. We never really ventured out. The past two and a half years, we were in our kitchen the whole time. Right. So we moved guys and Matt's like, I want to use my coupon. So we walk into this lovely coffee shop and it was pretty empty. It was super early in the morning. The weather was all dewy and Misty and the birds were chirping and we were completely irrational. I thought that, I mean, I still do look like a maniac because this move was probably one of the hardest and we've had some hard moves. This move was the hardest you guys. It was [00:03:04] Matt: no. [00:03:04] Fawn: Oh, maybe because I was doing most of it. Why do you always disagree with me? Are you serious right now? [00:03:10] Matt: Are you? I actually am. We've had harder moves. [00:03:12] Fawn: Uh, this one was hard. I usually set up the house in three days. I'm very military minded about it. I like get things done. Boom. We're ready to go. But I think we're on week three now and we are still surrounded with boxes in our home. Anyway, I digress. Thanks Matt. But [00:03:31] Matt: sorry. [00:03:31] Fawn: So the thing is, I didn't feel good. I felt like I looked like a maniac. and we were sleep deprived. So we walk into this establishment. We walk into this lovely coffee shop and there was one person in, in there. I don't know. I didn't notice anybody else. I noticed one person, this beautiful woman sitting in the corner. And the only thing, cuz you know, even though I'm a photographer, I don't notice any details on people. I it's all about a vibe. I pick up feelings. That's all I do. I pick up feelings, Matt reads and scans the whole room. And can tell you everything that was written down. What was identity? What was that? No born identity. What was that guy? The movie where he walks in and he notices everything in the room. You know, minority report. I don't know, with, with the guy with Ben Affleck's best [00:04:24] Matt: friend. Right, right. Matt Damon, but you're probably thinking Born Identity, but I haven't seen that movie [00:04:28] Fawn: a long whatever, you know, that kind of ability where you can like spot things out. Thanks for disagreeing with everything I say. So what I'm saying is I, I only get the vibes. I get a feeling. I can't tell you what color anything was or what it looked like. I can tell you what it felt like, but what I did notice. This lovely woman was sitting there and she was wearing pajama pants. I'm like, oh my God, our people, our people, because that's what Matt and I do once in a rare moon. And we laugh to ourselves so hard cuz it's like, yeah, we did it. You know, totally defying society, coming out in our pajama pants. Anyway, I saw the pajama pants and the way she was sitting was like, Statuesque model like a model just sitting there anyway. So I'm like, I'm not gonna look at her too much because I look insane and she's probably gonna think I'm crazy. Let's just order our drinks. We order our drinks and then this person leaves and I felt immediately sad. I'm like, oh, [00:05:28] Matt: she left. It's time out, time out. Rewind, [00:05:30] Fawn: rewind. Okay. When we walked in, I did notice the whole room. That's what I do. And although she may deny it, she went up and down, she looked at both of us. [00:05:42] Matt: She studied us. She memorized us. I swear to God. And that's just it, when I looked over I'm like, is that like an FBI person? Or what's the story? Yeah, you took my, because yeah, because it was the classic story. I have a buddy who's a cop. And, always back to the wall, knows where all the exits are and looks at everybody coming in the room and the whole bit that's. That's the way his brain is wired and there's good reasons for that. And, and you, there was a very similar vibe. [00:06:10] Fawn: So when she left immediately, Matt started talking about her and at this point we're ordering our coffee at the same time and the lovely person that was working with our drinks. Was like, okay, what do you want? I'm like, hold on. Was that person that just left? Was that FBI? I literally, I asked her that and she starts laughing and she said, no, that's Marianne. She's our regular . So we were sad because she left and we're like, well, okay, well, let's go sit outside anyway. We go sit outside and here she comes again. and we're like, no way here she comes again. And I'm like, I don't wanna miss another opportunity. So we just jumped in there and we started to talk, right. Matt pay attention, right? Yeah. So what happened? What I forgot, exactly what started our conversation anyway, I'm telling you all this because this kind of stuff happens all the time. There is magic around us all the time, [00:07:08] Matt: if you pay attention. [00:07:09] Fawn: When we started this podcast some years ago, I told you the reason actually, before the podcast that we started, this whole friendship thing, remembering the art of friendship is because Matt and I, all of a sudden felt . And I I've been feeling it for decades. Every time I go on a photo shoot and I come back, especially to the United. I'm like, whoa, this is not my idea of friendship. Like what is happening? So over the last 20 years, I've noticed every time I come back to the United States and it's now spreading to other countries, but like every time I come back, I'm like, what is happening? The art, it's an art and it's disappearing. We don't know how to talk to each other. And it's being made worse now by everyone getting involved in politics and like it it's ridiculous. It's unnecessary. And it's like, you have to be brave to say, hello, you have to be brave. Like, is that it's crazy? It's like, it's like, you have to be brave. I'm not saying you have to be brave to say hello, but it's like, people are afraid to make connections and then they think, well, I can make a friend, no problem. But here's the thing, our society, our culture has moved in such a way that even when you make friends, there is an art to keeping a friend because people get annoyed, people get, um, what's the word? Um, um, what's the word? When they get like offended, offended, that's the word I was looking for. People get offended for whatever reason. You get triggered by something that really has to do with you, you know, and I'm saying, if there's a charge that you're connecting to and someone says something it's all on me, if I'm all of a sudden offended, but if I don't have a charge on whatever it is that offended me, I don't care. What I'm trying to say is that we're gonna use our examples, present day with all this noise in a coffee shop, to introduce you to three beautiful friends that we made that feel like home. It feels like we have been family forever. And we're gonna tell you exactly how we met and how we sparked it and how we initiated the whole thing of us all getting together. So everybody, I want you to meet your new friends. We have Marianne. [00:09:39] Marianne: Good morning. [00:09:41] Fawn: Maryanne is the one in the pajama pants, the FBI , [00:09:45] Marianne: which is very hilarious. Yes. The pajama pants and the trench coat that I wore was totally out of comfort. Yeah. And not caring. [00:10:00] Fawn: Right. I love it. I love it. So Marianne then the following week introduced us to Danielle. [00:10:09] Danielle: Hello, everybody. That is my daughter in the background. Marianne is one of my best friends and, um, I cannot wait to tell you more about our friendship, so [00:10:25] Fawn: I wanna hear everything and [00:10:27] Danielle: okay. [00:10:27] Fawn: And can I just say how gracious you all are for sharing each other's friendship with us? And then we have to tell you about your next new friend, Hillary, the way we met her. And it turned out that Hillary and Marianne were friends. So we'll, we'll tell you what happened next, but everyone, please meet your new friend, Hillary. [00:10:48] Hillary: Hello. [00:10:51] Matt: Now I have a nickname for you. [00:10:54] Fawn: Oh no. Oh no. [00:10:55] Matt: It's, it's crazy. Not crazy. Milk. [00:10:58] Hillary: Yes. [00:10:59] Fawn: Okay. So here's what happened. This is why Matt is calling Hillary crazy milk lady. Uh, uh, [00:11:05] Matt: uh, crazy, not crazy milk lady. Okay. Okay. So it's very important that you hear the "not" in there. [00:11:09] Fawn: So Hillary, I need you to tell us exactly everything, but I'm gonna tell the backup story of why Matt calls you that is that okay? Okay. So we, we met Marianne, she came back in the coffee shop and she introduced us to her friend, Bill who's sitting behind us right. Staring at us through his glasses. We talked and then they had to go and then we're like, okay let's go to the store. So we went, we went to check out the local store. We had never been there. We go in there, we pull into the parking lot and right when we pulled in, I looked in front of us and I said, I bet you we're gonna run into Marianne right here. I just have a feeling. I didn't express it out loud, but that's totally what I thought. So we go in the store. We wander up and down the aisles to figure out, well, how much does this cost in this area, ? Like, we were just noticing everything. We made a big commotion, cause we wanted to apply for the discount card for the store. Right. And this whole time I kept seeing someone push this card that had a bazillion gallons of milk in it. Right. A bazillion. Uh, uh, and we kept going to similar aisles and then I turned to you when we went to the checkout. I'm like Matt, "Got Milk?" I was like trying to make a funny, and you're like, we don't need milk. I. Because if it [00:12:26] Matt: was a joke, because the one who observes everything all the time completely missed, [00:12:31] Fawn: completely missed this one time. The one time I noticed something, alls [00:12:34] Matt: I saw was a big cart of milk as we were walking to check out and I was like, is this some kind of a grab, a milk, one, buy one, get one free, cuz there's no way anybody has that in their cart. Cuz that would be crazy. [00:12:46] Fawn: So going through this whole fiasco, maneuvering around the store, we end up back to the car and we're trying to put stuff, jam stuff in the trunk of our car. And then who pulls, who has pulled up right in front of our car, in the spot in front of our car, Marianne. But now she looks totally different cuz she went home showered and changed. So you looked so different but we still, I still recognized you. And then who comes up? But Hillary with all the gallons of milk and you guys were like, Hey, I'm like, I can't believe these people know each other. What is happening? Is this the town we live in? So anyway, that is introduction to Hillary. And, and so [00:13:30] Matt: then I had to ask, okay. Why? Because I'm like, I, I had two thoughts in my head, obviously. Number one is of course you're crazy. And number two was you probably run a business like a bakery or something, and you were picking up lots of milk because you needed lots of milk for your business. [00:13:49] Fawn: And that was the case. Hillary was getting milk for the coffee shop we were all at. So Hillary, hello? [00:13:56] Hillary: Good morning. [00:13:56] Matt: So what did you think about two crazy people and one part in particular, asking you all about your business. [00:14:02] Hillary: I am always happy to meet new people here. And this is such a small town that I feel like every time I leave the house, I run into somebody that I know. [00:14:12] Fawn: And you know, when I was saying the world, the planet is a small town and everyone's your friend. It turns out we are from the same part of the world and Hillary. Did the same thing we did. Cause you know, we made our move here and then we felt bad. We're like, are we insane? Because we literally came here, sight unseen. We traveled all over the state trying to find where we belong. Didn't find it went back to Colorado, all deflated. And then by some, by some coincidence found a way back here to this town we had never been to before. House never seen it. And, um, the other day I was, you know, I cry every day cuz I'm like, what have we done? Is this a mistake? I mean, if it's not stuff exploding in the house, it is a bear walking around in the yard. What? And so anyway, so, so one told me to go on this social app, which I never do and I did. And then here comes Hillary. I was like, hi, we met at the supermarket and at the coffee shop, I'm like, oh my God, milk . And so we turned, it, turned out that Hillary also has the same experience of, did I tell you this Matt, site unseen a year ago, a year before us. So you also went through that whole coming here and [00:15:42] Hillary: exactly. I didn't see the house until move-in day, right? [00:15:45] Fawn: Same with us. Same with. And you said the most beautiful things about this town and it's true, incredibly friendly people. And, you know, we both come from an area of the country that is gorgeous, but this place is it's. It's. Another animal is amazing. So going back to our story, this is how we do it. The art of the start being brave enough to go past a look , I think in our culture, we've gotten to a point where we can't even look at each other because God forbid, what are you looking at? My hat? Are you, am I wearing the wrong color? What am I going to spark? Is it going to spark some outrage? Or, you know me, I'm thinking, oh my God, are they looking at me because I'm not Caucasian. They don't want me here. Do you know what I'm saying? There's so many thoughts that happen at the same time. So to go past all these issues now that we all have is a big hurdle. So how do, how did we do it guys, Marianne take over. So [00:16:51] Marianne: I just wanted to mention that my own perception of how things went down in terms of how I saw both of you walking in. I was sitting in a seat that I don't ever sit in And so the other seat that I normally sit in doesn't have a view of people. So when I was looking at you, which I didn't know that I was looking at you up and down, but I'm trusting Matt I guess I do have a way of quickly glancing and surmising. That's a good [00:17:24] Fawn: skill. Surmising, surmising. I like that [00:17:27] Marianne: word. So I looked at you and I thought to myself, Either. I just never see people here because of where I'm sitting or they are brand new . And then I looked at both of you and I saw beautiful hair on both of you. And that's actually what I was very much noticing and probably staring [00:17:54] Fawn: at, you know, what's so weird. Marianne is I never, get a haircut but for this move, I specifically had my hair cut and designed in the hopes of meeting new friends. So like, I kind of, I, I did a haircut specifically in honor of starting a start. You know what I'm saying? Like starting a friendship. [00:18:17] Marianne: Yes. Cutting off past experiences. Yeah. [00:18:22] Fawn: Yeah. And, and, and what's the word? Spooking, Sping specifying. You know, like polishing, you [00:18:30] Matt: like to say, shjoosj [00:18:32] Fawn: know, to it up it's ceremonial. , it is quite important. I think it was directly linked for me being open enough, no matter how incredibly sleep deprived and tired I was feeling and in pain from moving I still had that. I had that ceremony that, that kind of kicked things off. So I think that's another key, is however way we can ghjoogh ourselves up. It doesn't have to be a haircut. It could be polishing your shoes. It could be wearing something on you that, that gives you some extra superpower. I think that's key to meeting people. Well, [00:19:12] Matt: honestly, honestly brings up a little self confidence [00:19:16] Fawn: and also a blanket of security [00:19:19] Matt: security blanket. Yes. But if you're like, dang, I look good. . You're much more likely to, you know, feel comfortable and confident [00:19:28] Marianne: and approach people. And on the flip side, ,when you wear pajama pants and don't care, there is a self-assuredness that you may not even be aware of, but it's kind of attracting the correct people. [00:19:44] Fawn: Yeah. Matt calls it. You're down to clown. Remember? I absolutely [00:19:48] Marianne: always down to clown. Yeah. Yeah. Just like our dear friend, Danielle, [00:19:53] Fawn: Danielle. Yes. [00:19:56] Danielle: Um, so on friendship, I just wanna say, I think it starts by teaching our kids young, that people are to be friendly and to look at them and just say, hi. I see so much as an educator and as a mom, that people shy kids away from others and they learn very early on that it's something to be scared of. And I really made an effort as having a young kid to have her say hi to everybody and to look at them. And, she's very self self-assured in that, which makes me very proud. I love how much you love this town. As you know, I grew up here, I'm still in the same house that I grew up in. And I'm part of the town. I know everybody in this town and it's really special because you see the same people and you create those relationships. And I've been to many other places and not having that community and not being part of it is hard. And I think to make friendships, it's an effort and something that I try every day to do so, like being involved in as many things as possible and getting yourself out of your comfort zone, which is really hard. But as many people, as I know, I think real friendships are really hard to come by and Marianne and I have had lots of talks about that. And I think what makes our friendship real is that we're honest with each other, like we have honest fights and she tells me, honestly, when I'm a poop and I can be honest with her and there has been there's very, yeah. [00:21:36] Fawn: That's we all are. [00:21:37] Marianne: I'm definitely, as Danielle just mentioned, I can certainly know that I can be a poop at times, but certainly not intentionally. And at times you have to bring that to light to your friend. [00:21:49] Fawn: Yeah. And that's what I'm talking about, being brave and having the capacity to deal with our poppiness everybody, everybody poops everybody is poopy at some point [00:22:01] Danielle: I'm a preschool teacher. So that's my language. [00:22:04] Matt: ha well a again, circling back to early on in our relationship. So, so when we were dating, we had a fight because we had a fight because that's what happens in relationships, friendships or romantic, and Fawn was like, it's over. We had a fight and her friend said no, no, no, no, no. You had a fight now you guys can get married. Yeah. [00:22:27] Danielle: And that's the thing, real friendships and real relationships you fight. [00:22:32] Marianne: I don't like to call it fighting. I like to call it boundary finding. Oh, that might be a semantics thing. But fighting sounds very intense to me, right? It is. And I am [00:22:47] Fawn: intense. So, you know, that is so true because first of all words have such power and that's another thing I noticed every time I came back to the United States is our words in our advertisements. And everything. Our words are so violent in America. Like everything, even, even a cupcake show is cupcake wars, war it's war, like for a cupcake. Oh my goodness. We have to really, really get control over that. That words have power and we create through the power of the word. So you're right. Fight is not a good. Perfect. See, you are such a genius, a disagreement. It it's a boundary finding, even disagreement, boundary, finding, boundary, finding. I love it. I love it. I think a lot of friendships it's great. You can start one, but the art of continuing on, usually you have to continue on once you get to that boundary setting state. And that's where people are like, well, I'm walking away from that, you know, which is what yeah. Which is what a lot of people do. Oh, [00:24:04] Danielle: so I was just gonna say is I have a lot of friendships. I feel like are very surface, you know, how's it going, but to get those real deep friendships, when you have those boundary finding moments, actually working through those. And that's when I think like our friendship got to another level for me. And I, a lot of times when those boundary finding moments happen, one are both people just, it's easier to just walk away from it and say, well, it's not worth it, but it is worth it. And to have those deeper relationships and those deeper conversations, because our heart needs it. [00:24:42] Fawn: Absolutely our hearts need it. Our economy needs it. Our country needs it. [00:24:47] Danielle: You know, we all need it. Um, yeah. And it's okay to have disagreements. And what I find in today's world is, is like, if we don't agree on politics or religion or whatever it is, it's like, we can't be friends and that's not how I grew up. Or I know a lot of us did. We just might not. Is the exact same way. I find it really interesting. I see it from the other person's point of view, like explain to me why you feel that. And a lot of times we're really similar and like, oh, I see that. And I understand how you see that I might not wanna vote for that same person or whatever it is, but I get it. So I always try to figure out like why they feel that way. Cause I find it really interesting [00:25:31] Fawn: Matt and I, When we started the podcast, I was really focused on doing events in the community to talk about all these issues. And one of the people that I, I enjoyed listening to that I totally agreed with was like the kind of guy who works with the government and he works with hostage situations. And so he also said that when he's, he deals with terrorism and getting people back that were hostages and so he said that bottom line, people are not heard. If, no matter who you're dealing with, no matter what kind of extreme situation you're dealing with, if the person feels heard by you, you will have resolution. [00:26:17] Matt: Well, I think when a person is heard, all of a sudden, now you're getting through, you're getting past the emotional blockers that somebody has in their mind. Cuz I always talk about how if you're emotionally connected to something it's really hard to do anything with that, you can only really speak to the logical part. And so there's a couple corollaries that, uh, logic, can't get you out of a problem that emotion's gotten you into, et cetera, et cetera. And anybody's, who's ever fallen for the wrong person. Knows exactly how that one feels. So, yeah, [00:26:44] Fawn: absolutely. Like I didn't tell you this. Um, Matt, but like yesterday, the girls and I were at the store and we saw this person and we stood there for 15 minutes and had the most lovely heart to heart talk. Because I saw great beauty and genius in this person that had nothing to do with politics, but I could tell the man wanted to start crying because we recognized his genius, his love, like, and we had a human interaction and I knew I had a friend, you know, even though we had, you know, let's, let's take whatever it was that we thought we labeled him as let's take it out of it. But. It was just beautiful. And we made a friend and honestly, like, I felt like we had each other's backs and it just got back to that village feeling of the earth is a small town and everybody is your friend, so you guys, this is our first real, like in person conversation because every time we've met, this is our third time meeting, but we've never sat down to have a conversation. This is our first conversation together, aside from quick texts. But look, you guys, this is our first conversation and we went deep. Do you know what I'm saying? It is like when you meet your people and everyone is your person, it is a homecoming. This is our first conversation. You know what I'm saying? We're not talking about the weather .Who cares. We're not talking about the politics. What's happening Hillary. What are you doing? This is the first [00:28:20] Hillary: time I've talked, really talked to Danielle and I'm watching our daughters. This is the first time our daughters have met and they are just having an absolute blast together. And it makes me so happy. And it's beautiful. Wouldn't have come together without this. [00:28:37] Fawn: We just needed to break bread. We needed ceremony. If I, [00:28:41] Danielle: they say it's just beautiful children do this. So naturally. and I see it with my daughter, wherever we go. She just is so genuine in herself and making friends. And I think we could take some lessons from them because I forget how just to be myself sometimes and just to be open and take the time and not worry about what the next appointment is, what the text text is because we are always binging and I'm looking at my phone while I'm getting coffee. And I am so sorry. I'm not making that genuine connection with somebody who's giving me the coffee. And I think it's hard to live in the moment these days, and it's something I'm fully working on and I, you can see it with children all the time and it's refreshing and eyeopening. So thank you for giving us this opportunity to really sit down and be ourselves, be real. [00:29:38] Fawn: First of all, thank you for allowing us in your friendship circle. You are so giving it's like when someone is in desperate need of food and water, that is friendship. I think a lot of people, once they do have friendships, they're so guarded and like don't wanna share their friends with others. Much like if someone is starving and needs a loaf of bread, you're like people don't share bread, they don't break bread. So can I just say, not only are you all the most seriously beautiful people we have met, your friendships are beautiful and your generosity is even more beautiful. And I feel so welcomed and I feel so reassured in the world that I know, deep down exists. You all are embodying that. And the way that you have welcomed us into this community and welcomed us into your little, not little friendships, but in your grand beautiful, uh, cozy friendship is what I, the kind of word I'm looking for is incredibly generous and beautiful. And I wanna thank you. And there was something else I wanted to say, as far as the kids, cuz we know Elle and Allegra are now like becoming these teenagers. Right. And I wanna say that like for, for example, Elle, Elle's our first born. Um, she was so open. Like she was the ambassador of love. We would go to the local swing pool or like the local, whatever it was and she. And I, and I've talked about this on our podcast before, like for example, this was, this was typical for her two years old, two years old, she would bust open the doors. Cause she's like, bam, bam. She was always very strong. Like with one, one with one arm in diapers, she would move a couch. It was insane. It was like superhero stuff. But so she. You know, those, those doors in auditoriums that you have to like push down and push open the heavy. She would blast those doors open with her little, little hands, and she would put her arms out to the whole huge swimming pool area. And she would explain to the whole place we're we get to swim today, everybody. Yay. And then only the elderly would, would like start laughing cuz they knew how precious every moment of life is and how our interactions and everything we do, we do is a blessing. It is a blessing to go to the store and pick out any kind of milk you want. Like truly, absolutely. You know, that sense of entitlements that has taken over people. So true. But what go and then going back to kids, what happened is we started to come accross. Kids that were mean that were closed off. And I'm like, you know what? Yes. Kids innately know what it's like, but they very quickly learn from their parents in our current state of society to not be that way. Whether it's stranger danger kind of mentality to you don't have the right shoes. So I'm not gonna hang out with you. Even at a very, very young age. And so we started noticing that and then we started noticing our kids closing up, like they were these beautiful flowers that had opened up. And then all of a sudden they like closed up and it's a struggle. It is a struggle, even for us, for them, for us to like be openhearted again, after being hurt so much by mean people. I [00:33:24] Marianne: can't agree more. And what's so interesting when you come to a point in life, I am approaching a magical number this year, and as all numbers are magical, but this happens to be a milestone. And I know that being a child and having openheartedness, I believe that I had openheartedness throughout and while having that, I was very hurt by many things that many people go through as humans, we're very hurt and we're very resilient, but it's so interesting at this point in my life where I feel childlike, which I've always felt childlike, but it's, my heart is so wide open because I have been hurt. And then I learned how to be my own friend again. [00:34:23] Fawn: Exactly. That's where it starts like back to dating. Like we started this whole thing based on the concept of dating Matt and I were like, well, what happened? We used to make friends all the time. And then we, we noticed very quickly in our culture, all of a sudden something shifted where to find a friend was harder than finding your one true love on the planet. I'm like, oh my God. It's like dating all over again. Danielle is saying, absolutely, we're all sharing. So you, [00:34:52] Danielle: um, I just couldn't agree more. I talk about this so much and Marianne and I talk about this so much about how hard it is to find friends as you get older and like real friendships, not like those surface ones, and have those real conversations. So thank you for having this podcast, because I think it's so critical for so many people. So many of us feel it [00:35:15] Fawn: and, um, and no one wants to talk about it because we really don't because it, why, oh, this is why, because people think there's something wrong with them. It is it's shameful that they don't have friends, but guaranteed 90% of the people out there don't have a friend that they can turn to for real like arm in arm in person, you know? More than 90% we've done the research guys. And, you know, um, going back to the kids thing, Marianne's stepping away for a second. Okay. Are you coming back? Okay. She's coming back. but like the kids, I think one of the other things, like when I started to notice these things, I had people tell me Danielle all the time. Oh, you'll make friends through your kids. And their friends. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. That is so wrong because my kids, I want them to learn from my example. Absolutely. I'm not gonna wait for them to make friends so I can have friends because of their friends' parents. Mm-hmm no, they need to learn how it is, how you can, everything we mentioned. How do you make a friend? How do you resolve, uh, misunderstandings together? Like they need to see all of that as me as the example, as Matt, as the example, Matt, you've been very quiet. I have. Um, but they need to see that and they need to depend on me for friendship, not the other way around. So that that's another thing I think is wrong with our culture is like we're putting too much responsibility on the children, you know? [00:36:50] Danielle: Yeah. I, I have heard that exact same thing many times. Oh, well, when she starts school, you'll meet all of friends. you know, sports and all of that, but that never made sense to me either. I always had my own friendships. I think it's really important for parents to take their own time, to go on their dates, to make, have their relationships with others. And somehow it became when all my friends started having kids, all about their kids' friendships, their kids' sports. Um, that's what their life resolved around. And I never wanted my life to be what her life was. I have my own life and that's what she needs to see. And Marianne and I have talked about this a lot as well. A lot of my friends actually don't have kids because they are still doing stuff for themselves and still going out and, you know, doing races or whatever they're doing. Because my friends that have kids and yes, they have several. They don't want to, they don't have time. They don't make time for themselves to do those things. It's a luxury that they don't afford themselves for whatever reason. And it's expensive. I understand everybody's tired. There's a lot going on, but I think it's really critical to make that time them to see your friendships and you prioritizing yourself. And do you [00:38:10] Fawn: see that as a mom, [00:38:11] Hillary: too? Absolutely. Okay. My child is so extroverted and I am not, it's taken. Until my mid, mid thirties to really come outta my shell. And I feel like I'm just now learning how to make friends. I've kind of spent my whole life being by myself and it almost kind of took the pandemic to make me realize I need a village. I need friends. I need support. And I'm literally honestly like starting over in my mid thirties, trying to. Trying to meet people. And now that I have a child, it's really brought me outta my shell and I, I don't want her to be closed off from people cuz I, I felt like I was always closed off and I want her to see me have friendships. I want her to, to get happy mom and see that I have support and I have friends and [00:39:05] Fawn: um, yeah. did you all hear this term that it takes so village beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Yes, that was very beautiful. Hillary. But, um, but going back to that term, like when we had kids, we always heard, oh, it takes a village, you know, depend on the village, I'm like, where's the village, there's no village. [00:39:23] Danielle: There used to be a village. It's unfortunate that it's subsided over time. And I think you have to make your village. I, I know I don't have family around and I've made my own village with my neighbors and close friends, like Marianne and others. It's hard these days to make a village and you do need a village. That's what is this? Pandemic has definitely shown out of anything that we need a [00:39:45] Fawn: village. And I've been saying this way before the pandemic and everyone thought I was insane. Everyone got what's the word for it? Matt. Like people would get so offended. Right? They get very [00:39:56] Matt: defensive though. Oh my God. Defensive. It's it. It's a weird [00:39:58] Fawn: combo. Yeah. Defensive, because I'm like, Hey, have you notice. That this is happening in our culture or that like, what is the reason that people are? So, you know, this is, this, this will show you how long I've been doing this. Okay. Why is it that sex in the city is such a hit show? Why is it that big bang theory is such a hit show. Why is it that entourage is such a big show. If you look around, no one is going out for brunch. No one is shopping together. No one is meeting on a daily basis. No one has an entourage of friends that they work and hang out. Interesting. What is that? It is right. It's interesting that those shows are popular because we're living vicariously through these shows. But in fact, this is what we all want. This is what you know, this is what it's about. Friendship is family. When I make a friend, you guys are my family. I will do anything for you, except I don't like picking you up from the airport that cuz I don't like driving. And I always, the police always get me at the air. I don't like it. I. Don't ask me anyways. Anyways. Yeah, that's my, I don't the airport freaks me out. Oh, you guys anyways, but I'll do anything for you. You are my family. Same [00:41:10] Marianne: instantly. I had a thought that might feel like a tangent if I can remember it after I I've been having caffeine I believe that part of this, a giant part of the trend in how things have changed is that we have become very impatient. Because of modern technology and the pace of the world. So we are now so quick with everything. We cannot listen the same. I noticed that early in probably the mid two thousands, I was supervising much younger people. And when I would communicate through text or any other way, There was almost an irritated feeling energy coming back at me because I was probably 15 plus years older and the communication skills have drastically changed. So if you have friends of different ages, most especially younger friends, there's an impatience. And that's when people close themselves off if they feel that they're not being heard and that people don't have the patience to simply hear something through to its finish. [00:42:33] Fawn: Absolutely. You know, and this, now that now sparks me on another tangent that I always talk about that Danielle also brought up what I wanted to say. There is a whole thing going on with ageism. There's a whole thing going on with. There's so many factors involved. Like, why are we all so busy? Why is our attention scattered? Is it technology like, you know, um, Matt is in that field of that technology, but I, we, you agree with me, Matt, that it's really not technology. I think there's a greater thing happening where it, it makes the masses, behave a certain way because we become more sheepish. There's a, there's like, it's like not to sound like a crazy conspiracy person, but it's like, it's a force that has divided as. So that we don't get together because when we're together, we're stronger. If I'm standing next to you, Marianne, arm in arm, I'm more apt to say that's not right. If I see something that's a MIS an injustice out there, I can be more verbal and go, what are you doing? That's not okay. Do you know what I'm saying? But if I'm by myself, I'm afraid to say something. I mean, I think I'll just be honest. I think. Most people, most people would feel that way. So I think that's happening. And also because as Americans, we are such hard workers. We are always working and we don't have the healthcare that's, that's set up in our society. So not only are we working so hard, but if we have to go to the doctor that will knock us out, I'm sorry. It's expensive. And like, you can't afford to get sick. You can't afford to take time off you. We don't have vacations unless you have a very special job. Nobody, nobody has vacations. And if you are long enough in a job, maybe after a few years, you get two weeks pay, but hello, we need three months. People have whole seasons where everybody's off and. Come together and play together and, and relax and cook together and eat together and like see each other. But if we're constantly busy and we're constant, I, I don't blame technology. I think there's a greater force out there beyond the technology. [00:44:54] Marianne: I totally see your point. And I also think that we don't necessarily, of course we do require more vacation time, but I think in a self care way, we should be balancing our days in terms of having boundaries, where we say, this is when I work. This is when I spend time with my family. This is when I spend time for me. This is when I spend time for my village and figure that out on a daily basis so that it doesn't come to a point where you feel very desperate, that you need to take a solid six months off. [00:45:35] Fawn: Right. But if it was set aside for us to do in our society, it would be, we would be so much healthier. And you know what? Matt says that all the time, Matt, why are you quiet? And then when we there's [00:45:49] Matt: so many people talking, I, I just feel like I'm gonna tangentially throw us in different [00:45:54] Fawn: directions. Well, Matt always talks about how I'm, I'm totally interrupting you. Go ahead. But I wanted to, but now I'm totally interrupting you. I wanted you to talk about how you definitely tell work that look, I'm not going to be reachable, but the thing is most people, even when they go on vacation, their job demands that they're still connected. So you can't, you can't take a break. [00:46:16] Matt: Well, yeah, things and they're very, very small things like, I don't put the instant messenger on my phone. I definitely disconnect at times. I'm also a big fan, paying myself first, as they like to say, when you're bud, when you're doing your budgeting, when you pay yourself first and then you pay your taxes and I pay myself emotionally first, and I do that first in the day, I literally get up. I get up, got awful early and I, I have two hours. I have a two hour block in the morning. That's just for me. And then I start my day and my day starts with not work. My day starts. Things that I'm learning. And then I have breakfast and then I start my, and then I start my Workday and I ceremonially put away my computer at the end of every day. [00:47:05] Fawn: So it's done. So guys, there's so much to talk about and we have to wrap it up because we all have to go, but we're gonna continue this conversation. You know what we should do? We should do a whole town podcast. And really get into the art of community and village. Maybe we should call it something like the village or something. I don't know. But there's so much to talk about. And you guys, again, to reiterate, this is our first conversation together, and look at, look at everything that we've hit on. Do you know what I'm saying? And this is the beauty. This is the art of friendship. This is the art of the start we're starting in real life. Look at us. We're out here in a coffee shop. And here we go. And Hillary or no, someone needs the mic. It's Maryanne. Nope, Hillary, [00:47:56] Hillary: One thing that I was thinking about, I had to tend to my child, but when we were talking about, TV shows, I, I feel like we were like self-conscious or something to talk to other people. I, I feel like in TV shows, you can just walk into somebody's house and talk and hang out. And I feel like we're. Self-conscious about what our home looks like. We're we don't wanna invite anybody in. [00:48:18] Fawn: Oh my God. Great point, Hillary, can we talk about that next? Yes. What's the deal with that? Yes. Anyway, we're gonna wrap it up, but we're gonna continue. Continue. Yes. And I just wanted to [00:48:28] Danielle: say thank you so much for bringing us all together. I feel like this has brought us all closer and I appreciate it. Nice to be with you guys today. So [00:48:34] Fawn: tune in. We're gonna do it again. [00:48:36] Marianne: Can I just have one final thought that I know that we went on lots and lots of tangents because our brains are very active. But I feel like it's the tapestry of communication and the art of true communication where this happens. And then we are able to go out into the world and continue this [00:49:00] Fawn: beautifully said, beautifully, said. [00:49:02] Hillary: This was a great opportunity. Thank you. [00:49:04] Fawn: All right, we'll talk to you guys next time. Tune in and see, we'll see how this unfolds like a beautiful flower. Remember, the earth is a small town and everyone's your friend and be a good host and reach out to us. If you wanna be on our show, reach out to us, go to our friendly world podcast.com and we'll see you next week. You guys. Bye. Be well.