I ask myself this question all day, every day. 

True freedom is contingent upon me taking contrary action - and doing things I don't want to do - including having uncomfortable conversations...So you can imagine my response when she asks, "So, do you want to talk." Instead of answering, "I'd rather stick a fork in my eye," deep down I actually did want to talk....And four hours later we knew each other's love language and exactly what the other wanted and needed in the relationship.....Fascinating and mind-blowing stuff!

You see, my default mode is avoidance, procrastination, and self-sabotage. Yet the question remains - How free do I want to be.

"Since it is true that God comes to me through people, I can see that by keeping people at a distance I also keep God at a distance. God is nearer to me than I think and I can experience Him by loving people and allowing people to love me. But I can neither love nor be loved if I allow my secrets to get in the way. I must be willing to look at the dark side in order to heal my mind and heart because that is the road to freedom. I must walk into the darkness to find the light and walk into fear to find peace. By revealing my secrets - and thereby ridding myself of guilt - I can actually change my thinking; by altering my thinking , I can change myself. My thoughts create my future. What I will be tomorrow is determined by what I think today." -Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions