Gaslighting and Other Ways We’re Abused at Work: What’s Really Going on? with Dr James Costello
Dr James Costello joins us in this episode to talk about gaslighting, relational abuse and the insidious ways that organisations and individuals can undermine us.
Highlights
[07:36] Dr James’s Background
- James worked as a workplace counsellor in an occupational health unit of a large hospital in Bristol.
- He became a trade union caseworker, trying to advocate for change in organisations.
[09:24] Defining Relational Abuse
- We use relationships to manipulate, coerce and be punitive and damage people.
- Emotional aggression or abuse captures microaggressions in the workplace.
[12:15] The Corruption Complex
- The corruption complex is the misuse of authority and power for the personal gain or benefit of the group or the clique.
[13:45] Challenging Organisational Power
- Organisations as a whole can sometimes be the bully in the workplace. Challenging it has to be done as a collective.
[15:10] Examples of Relational Abuse
[21:49] Bullying in the Workplace
- Often, people are not aware of the impact of their behaviour on others.
- There can be a lot of shame associated with being a bully and being the target.
[27:06] Effective Performance Management
- Deescalation of the issue is key.
- Spend a lot of time understanding where they are coming from and offer informal support.
[34:11] On Gaslighting as Bullying in the Workplace
- Gaslighting is undermining the sense of self-awareness that a person has and their capacity to trust in themselves.
- Don’t remain isolated and get help from those you trust.
[41:05] On Emotional Labour
- Work now is more relational.
- Medical professionals need to exert huge amounts of emotional labour as you treat your patients, particularly if they’re scared.
[43:40] Key Takeaways
- Common factors work in creating a therapeutic change in someone.
- The common factors are the things common to a relationship that create a safe space for somebody to flourish and develop.
[48:59] Top Three Tips if You Experience Relational Abuse or Bullying in the Workplace
- Check out your experience with a trusted colleague or friend and triangulate.
- You need to make contact (HR, trade union, caseworker or even somebody who understands the context of what’s going on).
- Look after yourself.
- Do not bring the issue home; find somewhere to blow off steam.
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