On this episode of Fierce Lab, Kate Tonda, Senior Director at Walmart, discusses how to navigate challenging career conversations, the importance of raising your hand for the right things, how to best allocate your time in professional relationships and projects, and the downside of women's desire to be liked.

Challenging conversations

Conflict and confrontation are often avoided, however, being willing to face conflict or confrontation means that you and/or the other person care enough to face the challenge.  When having a challenging conversation, realize that feedback and discomfort leads to growth and helps develop mental toughness, rather like how a sore muscle indicates you are getting stronger. Also, when having such a conversation, consider what it is that you want to achieve; have an intentional pause before responding, but don’t let too much time pass before you do. Kate uses the phrase “vent to invent,” stating that it is important to work through the emotional piece, but rather than dwelling in the negativity, turn it into something positive.

Signing up for the right things

Despite women working very hard, and even sometimes harder than their male counterparts, women tend to volunteer for activities or projects that are maybe important but less valued. Kate gives an example of how she handled being voluntold for a project and was able to segue the conversation, make the situation productive, and set a boundary. She speaks to the importance of signing up for things that give you opportunity, exposure, and experience, and states that important decisions for your career are made when you aren’t in the room.

How to allocate your time

Kate says that you say yes to something and no to something else – this goes for relationships as well as projects. Regarding relationships, it helps to prioritize where you spend your time so that you don’t overspend in one area, which can lead to unintended impacts downstream.  Establishing an emotional bank account can help free you up so that you may focus your energy elsewhere when needed.  

A desire to be liked

Tara and Kate recognize that women often exhibit a desire to be liked, however, it is more important to be respected. While being nice is not a bad thing, it is more important to demonstrate things like data-based decision-making, the ability to influence and negotiate, and being able to focus on a solution. Kate says to always try to solve for yes, but that doesn’t mean always doing whatever the ask is. It is okay to say no, but when you do, find out what is important to the person that is giving the request and use that in your positioning to make the client or partner feel like their need is served.

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