A new day has begun, a new administration has been inaugurated…or has it? Green screens, razor wire, face swaps, and glitchy puppets: this already seems fake and gay to us. Was this real, was it prerecorded, was it streamed 11 hours early in Spain? How many 'Day One" executive orders did Joe Biden sign? A lot less than tribesmen and rappers pardoned by Trump, that's for sure. From espionage to money laundering, if you're a felon who doesn't celebrate Christmas, Trump had a pardon for you. After all the inauguration nonsense, the goys find out that Covid is indeed, as they had always suspected, fake and also gay. Get /comfy/ and enjoy preseason content please.

With: Johnny Monoxide, Bradshaw Wilson, Reinhardt Von Krieger, Dogbot, Jack The Intern

Music Break: Cause 4 Concern, by Time Stopper

Creepypasta: Slideshow, read by Bradshaw Wilson

Johnny's Twitter: Got shoah'd, press F