TRIGGER WARNING: This episode of The Dichotomy Diaries discusses sexual assault in detail. If this topic is triggering for you, please take care of yourself and consider skipping this episode.
Dear Diary & Listeners,
The past few months have been a serious struggle for me. I’ve been dragging my feet on wrapping up Season 1 of the podcast, stuck in this frustrating writers' block. No matter what I did, I just couldn’t get the creative juices flowing like I used to, keeping me up late into the night creating for you all.
I think I know what sparked the shift, but it’s still a bit confusing. I reconnected with someone who just gets my brain. Being around him feels amazing—safe, even. It’s like all the overthinking noise in my head quieted down for a change. But here’s the thing: I need challenges in my life to stay motivated. I thrive on goals to work toward every day. This podcast was that challenge for me.
But as Season 1 wrapped up and I got to the final interview, I looked around and thought, “WTF? This is too easy now.” And you know what? The most unexpected challenge I found was in my own head. My new relationship is healthy and fulfilling, but I’m literally challenging my traumatized brain every day not to go off the deep end and screw it all up. Can you imagine that feeling? Being completely happy and fulfilled, yet your brain is like, “ABORT! Everyone's a liar!” It’s a wild ride.
Here’s the thing I didn’t know: there are people out there who see you struggling, who actually help and affirm your feelings, and who can take a horrible situation born from trauma and make it better. Yep, not worse—better.
So, that brings me to why I’m sharing what I’m sharing today. I’m going to take you back to something that happened to me about 11 years ago. It was traumatic then, and it still is to think about (I definitely had a few mini panic attacks while recording this—watch it on YouTube if you want to see how wild it was). I’ll walk you through one of my first Tinder dates, back when it was the hottest dating app out there.
As I always say, shame has no home inside me. I made some bad choices that put me in danger, and I need to own up to that. I want to share it with you so you can see, 1) we all make mistakes, 2) how serious those mistakes can be, 3) what you can do to avoid them, and 4) the tools you need to stay safe in this crazy dating world.
Maybe it’s because I feel safe, seen, and truly loved right now, but I really want to get this off my chest. I’m not going to lie, though—this is rough. It’s graphic, and if you have any issues with content related to sexual assault, I suggest you skip this episode.
As always, thanks for giving me a place to be 100% myself. Thank you for listening to me without judgment. You all keep me going. Oh, and PS: I’m so glad to be back on the mic.
Forever Sharing My Truth,
Amanda
WE ARE ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR SEASON TWO'S STORY!
If you or anyone you know has experienced anything similar and is willing to share, please click the link below to schedule a time to chat with me.
Email: TheDichotomyDiaries@yahoo.com
Music: Ashley England
AV Production: Amanda Arnier
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