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The Washington Football Team (Formerly the Washington Redskins, and before that the D.C. Feather Savages) were my local NFL team growing up, and as a Native American man I feel a bit disappointed they are no longer going to use the Redskins name and logo. Having just lost the greatest Twitter handle of all time, @TheNWord, just recently, it has given me an idea. Since nobody is currently using the Redskins name, I figure I can use it on Twitter. In an effort to make a fair trade, I've decided to find a new name and mascot for my home team. Nick Sandmann just won another settlement against the Washington Post for his altercation with Nathan Phillips, so maybe it is time to once again honor Chief Shitting Bull. Or perhaps Jana Schmieding, the Lakota woman who was too fat to ride the Harry Potter ride. Then of course there is the magical indigenous Alpha Lord himself, Drew W. Shield, who is trying to save the realms from the Dark Federation. We explore all our options, have a prank call to Hot Pockets, and dust off a retired Simpsons character for good measure. How, you may ask? Well, hello to you, too.

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