"So who's Alan Beggarit?" they asked...

"Well..." said Mam... "it's a spoof of Alan Bennett and his excellent 'Talking Heads' monologues which although parodied here are much admired by the person responsible, Neil Baxter".

"Neil Baxter?" I said, "what kind of a name's that - it hardly demands attention does it?"

"No..." said Mam as she drained the last of the tea in her cup, "he's nought special... a chap from Wigan - you know, the place famous for pies and rugby"

"Now why would I be aware of that?" I said, "you know pastry gives me heartburn and I'm...